11/02/09

Mr. Velcro awakened yesterday, brutally reminded that his lower back is made up of one herniated, one bulging and one ruptured disc.  In a nutshell he wasn't worth a tinkers hoot over the weekend.  Miraculously Fric and Frac stepped up to the plate, without my having to use any threats or bribes, and they once again cleared the lot of downed leaves.  Saturday's winds pretty much stripped the trees, so the leaf rake, after a hefty weekend workout, can now go into hibernation~any additional Fall fallout can be mulched with the final mowing scheduled for next weekend.  Progress!

Mr. Velcro used to work with a southern gentleman...one who had no apprehensions in calling a spade a spade.  He affectionately pointed out to my husband that Mr. V. wouldn't be considered overweight for his height had God not rolled half of his leg down into his foot.  Bozo's got nothing on my man with his size 15 loafers!  There are two times in life that his shoe size becomes an issue...when his shoes need to be replaced and when his back goes out.  The reason his back problem becomes my problem is it is then that I have to put his shoes and socks on him.  Dressing a duck would be far easier!  You've all just been given a glimpse into my morning...wasn't pretty!  Praying that the anti-inflammatories kick in and do their job in getting Mr. Velcro back into commission.  It's no fun to hurt and he's hurting pretty good.

Love and God's Blessings!

P.S. In response to the recognition that our nation is going the wrong direction God has The Word!  Following is today's morning devotion. 

Jeremiah 3:19-22 NIV

I myself said, 'How gladly would I treat you like sons and give you a desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation.' I thought you would call me 'Father' and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel,' declares the LORD. A cry is heard on the barren heights, the weeping and pleading of the people of Israel, because they have perverted their ways and have forgotten the LORD their God. 'Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding.' Yes, we will come to you, for you are the LORD our God.'

11/03/09

Mr. Velcro is walking straighter this morning and was able to dress himself!  That made both of us happy...a much smoother start to today, Praise God! 

Tomorrow morning I will find myself in the liver doctor's waiting room.  Dr. Internist is going to try and undo the adversities chemo has inflicted on my innards.  We shall see what orders I will be blessed with.  Thursday will be Frac's turn as we head back to U of M for a follow up with his migraines.  He still gets them but I've not found him sprawled and camping on the bathroom floor, in months...this too is progress!  Always praying that he can experience a pain free life~but still thankful that he manages to function cheerily most of the time.

I've discovered that my hair has reached the length that it was when I had cut it, before chemo.  The only difference is that it has grown back very curly...what I lost was poker straight.  Curly is taking some getting used to.  I comb one way but it doesn't matter; my frocks are rebellious...not complaining!  I'm extremely thankful to have frocks!!  I'm just not familiar with having to train them.  My old hair was easy...I'd say "lay down" and it did.  Now I say "lay down...pleeeease" and it just laughs, each strand choosing to follow it's own compass.  Many have suggested to me that I invest in some gel and "spike it".  Sure!  And we can just dye the ends neon green and Raggedy Ann red!  Now....in my mind I may still be clinging to 29 and holding, but there are certain lines that I refuse to cross~one being bikini's (never, ever again!) and another is flourescent hair spikes.  That, to me would just scream "She's 50 trying to convince the world that she's 29!"  Not gonna go there, which should be very reassuring to my offspring.   Contrary to my children's suspicions, I have not lost it completely...yet.   The day that I emerge with brilliant, gelled spikes will be the day that the kids can make the reservations for me in "Put-her-away-ville".

Praying that that day is still many away!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/05/09

The good news is...my spleen has shrunk ~ the not so good news is...I've a stone in my gallbladder.  I'm finding myself beating back the urge to stand on the examining table and say (in a more than firm voice) "Are you all trying to push me over the flipping edge?"  I'm becoming like the book of Chronicles"breast cancer begat brain dings and chemo and radiation, chemo begat elevated liver enzymes, elevated liver enzymes begat enlarged spleen,enlarged spleen became un-enlarged but begat gallstones..." Oh, and did I tell you that Dr. Liver Looker noticed that I've hit 50 and have yet to have had my first colonoscopy.  And because of my begat history there ain't no way that I can talk myself out of experiencing the poopercam.  (I know because I tried!) Lord only knows what the colonoscopy will begat!  I vote that they all just quit looking!  I'm all for the motto "If it ain't broken don't mess with it!"  I feel as if I'm sprawled out in a petry dish (a very large petry dish!) and every nook and cranny of my being is under surveillance.  Glad they're all so anxious to keep me around, but I am truly growing weary of the world of my insides being more exposed and visible and viewed than the sweatshirt I happen to be wearing.  Okay...now that I have that off of my chest I will once again curl up in the palm of my Heavenly Father's hand, nestle in and trust that He won't drop me.

Love and God's Blessings!

11/06/09

Pray for the rapid healing of the injured at Fort Hood and that the peace and comfort that can only come from The Father be showered on those in mourning.

Love and God's Blessings...

11/06/09 Continued...

Frac has a new roommate...I was praying that he was hallucinating from his cold medicine...some prayers don't get answered in the manner in which one would hope.  He didn't want to tell me about his roommate, because he knew that I wouldn't approve.  He's right!  I want him out...yesterday!!!! Frac believes that he (the roommate) has set up residence behind the hallway bookshelf.  Did I mention that I want the roommate out???  I want traps set...lots of 'em...lots and lots and lots of 'em!  Until I've been given the assurance that the roommate has vacated the premises I do not venture past the laundry room.  Fric and Frac (alias...those who think the roommate is "soooo cute!") will be solely responsible for their laundry making it's way into the laundry room, into the washer, then the dryer, then back into their closets and drawers.  Mom's not happy and is now in the market for hip high waders!

I've suggested to Cat that after 15 years she might want to earn her keep by playing a little cat and mouse...she reminded me that her place is not to serve but to be served.  After 15 years I guess that her precedent has been set.  I will be investing in a few more of those sonar screamers...assuming that the two I have plugged in don't scream loud enough to be effective in the boys end of the house.  I've got the willies and I'm not thinking they're going to go away anytime too soon!

Question number 634 for God, when I get there..."Mice, really?  What purpose do they serve????  Except to maybe keep me in prayer, but not on my knees, because that's way too close to the floor!!!"

11/07/09

I have yet to see Frac's roomy ~ or evidence that it truly exists, but find it humorous beyond belief that I found both boys sleeping in the family room when I got up this morning.  Coincidence?  I think not!  Might little roommate be not so cute after the lights go out?  I'll get a lot of mileage off of this one!  Thinking Mickey Mouse pancakes would be an appropriate breakfast, for my boys. Subtle yet bold in an unspoken sort of way.  Yup, we're gonna have some fun this weekend~ you betcha!

Love and God's Blessings! 

11/09/09

In trying to keep peace and sanity and on the cross his heart promise from Frac, I invested in a "live" trap mouse trap as opposed to the snap the neck as they lunge for cheese, version of traps.  Frac promises to obediently and immediately relocate any rodents caught, far far away.  I filled the bait trough with peanut butter and tucked the mouse box in between the bookcase and wall.  The following morning all was gone.  I accused Frac of sabotage~he vehemently denied any involvement.  Fric figured that Frac had found a more prime location for placement, so it wasn't him.  Mr. Clean?  Nope.  By process of elimination we determined that Wonder Mutt smelled peanut butter.  Nuff said!  The mouseless mouse box was among Wonder Mutt's stash he stock piles under Fric's bed.  On a happier note there have been no sightings and still no visible evidence of an invasion.  I'm still not thoroughly convinced that Frac wasn't hallucinating...I sleep better clinging to that thought.

I started this morning having my brain MRI'd.  We'll get results probably next Monday when I re-visit Dr. Oncology.  All things considered I feel hunky dory...at peace knowing that all remains in my Creator's Hands.  Must go accomplish something!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/10/09

I woke up this morning to my angels singing "This is the day that the Lord has made"...which Wonder Mutt can be very thankful for.  I'm humming along with my angels as I flip and fry Fric's breakfast...Fric has joined the wrestling team so breakfast, that Fric has bypassed since the beginning of the school year, due to his having first lunch which starts at 10:10 a.m.,  is now mandatory.  After Fric was fed and shipped off I decided it was in my best interest to get dressed...too much temptation to climb back into bed when it's still dark outside and I'm wearing my jammies.  I returned to the kitchen because the lingering aroma of Fric's breakfast started my belly rumbling.  I reached for the butter dish only to discover one tiny dollop graced with one Wonder Mutt hair, standing alone on the kitchen countertop.  My butter dish has vanished.   My making eye contact with WM was all it took for him to tuck tail and slither sneakily around the corner and out of my view.  Mystery solved! (what little mystery there was!)  Surprise! My butter dish (now licked clean!) was resting next to the peanut butter filled mouse box, underneath Fric's bed.  I have a vivid mental image of a fat and happy mouse spying on me from some secret corner...laughing hysterically as I continuously re-place the mouse box, only to have Wonder Mutt slink in immediately afterward and quietly carry it back to his stash pile.  Because my singing angels remind me that I am to continuously give thanks and praise, I refrain from putting Wonder Mutt up for adoption and rejoice in the fact that the butter that he scarfed down was purchased on sale, thus prompting me to double up on grocery day.  It is fortunate for him that it was one of the rare times that I wasn't forced into rationing servings until next payday!  "This is the day that the Lord has made!  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

Love and God's Blessings!

11/10/09 continued....

Just got word from my husband that Dr. Oncology didn't like what he saw on the MRI I had done yesterday.  They're opting to treat me as an inpatient at the far away hospital...nothing like putting a little stress on the family!!!  Well...my angels continue to sing, I remain nestled in my Creator's loving hand and I will be back to blogging whenever I can get myself sprung.  Please keep my family in your prayers. 

...Bet this buys me a little time from the poopercam appointment!!!  At least I'm going to use it to postpone...  :>)

Love and God's Blessings!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/14/09

Four days ago I was awakened by my angel's bellowing "This is the Day that the Lord has made....Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"  It was so exhuberant that I couldn't keep myself from humming along.  Not since undergoing my last surgery have their voices awakened me and rung so clearly in my mind!  Once again, my Creator boldly makes His presence known...I am not walking this journey alone...I am not walking this journey at all; I am being hand carried.

Tuesday morning was a beautiful, crisp, sunny morning.  I coerced Frac from bed early and the two of us set to work outlining what will be my  Spring gardens with 20 pound border stones.  I've been wrestling with a problem with my scyiatic nerve (have no idea how closely I came to spelling that right!!) so bending and lifting, if not done slowly and precisely, was uncomfortable...nah, I lied...hurt like a bugger...ranking right up there with tooth extraction!  Thus Frac carried the lion's share. (moving 10 to my 1 easily).  After pointing out to me that I had taken on the appearance and characteristics of a  very driven slave driver I sprung him for a 15 minute break.  Shortly after plopping his butt on the couch I guess the phone rang...it was Dr. Oncology; but he didn't want to talk to me...he wanted Mr. Velcro's cell phone number. "Don't say anything to your mom, okay? I want to talk to your dad first." He said to Frac.   Frac returned to the back yard and he appeared troubled.  "Mom, Dr. P called.  But he didn't want to talk to you...he wanted Dad's cell phone number.  Is that bad, Mom?"  I could see him swallowing  hard and could almost read the thoughts swirling through his mind.  "Yup", I replied... "That's bad...but it was my angel's that woke me up this morning reminding me that God is in control...no matter what!"  I don't ever recall my almost 19 year old son hugging me harder and longer than he did that morning.  Little terd made me cry!  To this day I have no problems with plopping my fanny in my Heavenly Father's lap with things pertaining to me...but I constantly fall back into that mental battle of believing that God needs my help in carrying my family through all of this crap!  As I'm wrestling with trying to seat belt Frac into God's palm all I can picture in my mind is Mr. Velcro being hit with  Dr. Oncology's phone call.  I tried to call him...my call went straight to his voicemail box.  Tried again a few minutes later...still right to voicemail.  The first time I figured he was still talking to the doctor.  The second time I figured he was hiding, temporarily, trying to figure out just how he was going to formulate his "announcement".  My gut tied up in knots momentarily~then I heard my mother's voice from the past..."Stop Projecting!!!"  So I did.  Mr. Velcro called, announcing that he was on his way home~that I was already admitted into the big hospital...my bed was waiting.  "But I've got 18 more blocks that need to be laid in the back yard!  And Frac won't be worth a tinker's snort if I leave before they're placed!"  I had to resign myself to the fact that the 18 blocks would have to wait, an act of submission and surrender that I really resented having to enter into...I needed to go pack my toothbrush and clean undies. Couldn't help but wonder how many pair I should take.  I made 2 phone calls~the first to my daughter-in-law, the second to my prayer partner, then I zipped off a blanket email to those that call when I've not blogged in a few days to let them know that "no, I've not died yet, but yes there is a problem".  I hit send and Mr. Velcro walked in. 

The follow-up MRI that I'd had the previous morning showed 5 additional "dings".  (brain dings, my term, translated means measurable tumors of metastisized breast cancer)  As of Monday morning my two count had grown to 7...not good.  My brain is swelling which is causing some issues like scyiatic nerve problems, cognitive issues...have to think harder to get thoughts to formulate...sometimes words that are in my head don't exit my mouth in the way that I had planned...so I'm adjusting to "thinking specifically before I'm speaking".  In a nut shell, my timing is now off in my comedic routine!    Blogging is very good and therapeudic because it is forcing me to stay in a brain excercise program~bear with me through typos that are likely to appear...at least now I've got an excuse!  Spell Check?  Can't find it!  Blame the brain ding!

A  P.T. scan was done on Thursday...very deep, thorough scan that makes all cancerous cells illuminate.  Aside from my brain I am cancer free throughout my body.  Why this is such a big yippee is that it allows me to proceed with whole brain radiation as opposed to gamma knife (which is a procedure that requires my head to be bolted into a halo while they shoot each and every ding individually...taking up to 18 hours to perform)  My concern with gamma, aside from the fact that screws and bolts in the cranium is a grossly unpleasant thought, is that while they're zapping the known dings on two sides of my head I'm guessing that I'm blooming more on the other sides.  Thus I'm more at peace with "whole brain".  It was explained that if I had metastisizing taking place in other parts of my body that I would once again have to walk the chemo road...and whole brain radiation requires a healing period before doing so, whereas gamma knife is a one time treatment and chemo could be administered the following day.  No other cancer...so gamma is on the back burner until possibly February...if it is needed at all.  Whole brain radiation may just wipe it all out.  In the time that elapsed between Monday's MRI and Thursday's P.E.T. scan I've managed to sprout one more ding.  That makes 8.  Guess I've got some pretty fertile soil, eh? 

Because I wanted very much to go back to my radiation, techy crew they agreed to release me from the far away hospital and allow me to go into "outpatient" status back on what has become my home turf.  I spent the afternoon there Friday, going through simulation.  Assuming that I don't get hit with weakness or seizures, I will start being radiated on Monday, and fried daily for the next 3 weeks.  (Looks like Boston Market will be doing the Turkey this year...which works for me!!!)    The reason for the short wait, as in why they're not buzzing me today, is Dr. Gamma Knife wants me on a clinical trial using Alzheimers medication to minimize memory loss issues and cognitive issues that are known to appear as a result of whole brain radiation therapy.  Because of my age...29 and holding...he wants to give me every opportunity that is available out there to minimize the potential side effects, both short term and long term.  He's gonna do his best to keep me  from a future of drooling my oatmeal!

I'm living life on steroids, which means inhaling causes me to gain 3 pounds.   I will be on them until I get through this process.  Picturing 2010 as my Mumu wardrobe days!!! Sincerely praying that my bathroom scale and the upcoming year numerically do not grow much closer together! (Typo at the big hospital had the MRI department calling up for a "weight verification"...they're records indicated that I weighed 476 pounds.  Silver lining to that was that for the first time in almost a year, after having received the false promise of the opportunity to return to skinny jeans status due to chemo, I was able to say that I've not yet even reached half of that weight, thank you very much!!  Moral to that little literary diversonal story??? Guess it could be worse!)   Steroids help to control my brain swelling and are required, so to keep my head from getting too fat I will have to come to terms with not being able to breath and tie my shoes at the same time.  I've been rammed through the "Diabetes for Dummies" course learning how to test my blood sugar and inject insulin, because the steroids cause my sugar levels to spike into the 300 and 400 range...which, I've been told ain't such a good thing.  I derive much pleasure in making Fric and Frac cringe while shooting myself in the leg or belly.  Silver lining in paybacks...all of the stunts they've pulled in working so hard to gross me out???  Is now coming back to bite their little bottoms!  God is good!

I also will be reverting to my Walter state, within two weeks (bald, old guy that Frac claims I resemble when my hair washes off).  I've received the promise from Dr. Radiology Oncology that I will lose it all, again...no guarantees that it will come back this time because the impact of radiation is different then the impact of chemo.  For at least one year I will have to wear hats or wigs to protect my scalp from the elements.  One more speed bump on the journey through this life...always and forever thankful that I'm not walking it alone!!

Love and God's Blessings!

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU&feature=related

11/15/09

I laid in the MRI tube from 4:00 until 5:30 on Wednesday afternoon; the trolls were having themselves a hay day!  Bang! Bang! Ratatatat!  To help "distract" me from the noise, Oldies blasted through the headphones placed on my head to "protect" my ears. (Jumbo Shrimp Oxymoron there, let me tell you!)  Intermittently the music would cut out and a muffled voice, would, I'm assuming by trying to put together the pieces, either give direction or express comfort...couldn't tell because all I could hear was Charlie Brown's classroom teacher "Wah Wah Wahing" within the ringing of what had become hyper sensitive ears.  Occassionally I'd detect a "6 minutes" or "3 minutes" in the statement.  Being compressed within the belly of one giant magnet I felt pretty confident that they weren't asking me to roll over or shift position having been forewarned that any movement would extend the scanning time...Because the difference between 90 minutes and 91 minutes in certain circumstances can resemble a full work week I focused on veging~complete carrot state!  Some things I'm easily able to revert to~becoming carrotlike being one of them, as was proven to me from 4:00 until 5:30 on Wednesday.

I focused on trying to block out the noise, all of it...and spent the time mentally conversing with my Creator.  Being He knows every thought that passes through my dinged brain, conversing with Him, currently is beyond easy...He knows what it is that I'm seeking in the way of direction, without my having to verbally express it.  Once again He touched my heart with the profound reassurance that He showered me with the very moment I discovered my first tumor.  "Before the very first star was ever planted in the heaven's, I knew the moment that you would be entering into this world and I know the precise second that I will be calling you out of this world, to your eternal home.  There is nothing within your power or ability to alter that...trust Me...I've got you covered!"

That message I wholeheartedly pass along to all!  The peace that is found in being able to surrender all of my days into my Creator's hands is so liberating!  Pressures off!  I'm covered!  I'm being carried and chauffered!  Worrying about my tomorrows only wastes my todays!  All I have to worry about is keeping my focus on following the path that He lays out in front of me...and with brain dings He's extra compassionate in making my paths quite neon.  Along this journey I find that He points out those who are responding to His light that He allows me to feel radiating from me.  It humbles me to the point of tears.  If I were given the offer of trading in my dinged brain for one that is ding free in exchange for the peace and experiences that continue to carry me through this journey, I'd have to insist on keeping my dinged brain and all that goes with it.  Looking back over the last few years I'm reminded of the trials, challenges and struggles...looking forward I'm filled with hope and joy...because through all of the embers Mr. Velcro, Fric, Frac, Family, Cat, Wonder Mutt and I have hop toed through we remain standing!  And that is only by God's Hand!  He is faithful!

Love and God's Blessings!

Sunday, November 15, 2009 James 1:2-4
	Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

11/16/09

Just be the vessel....

I'm being awakened this morning with this message to pass along;  "Just be the vessel".  The amount of support and encouragement and love that I have experienced over the last few days is nothing short of an explosion of God's compassion and goodness.  People say..."What can I do?"  "Where can I help?"  The answer is ~ just be the vessel.  There are no such things as coincidences...I am not where I am at through happenstance, neither are any of you.  If God has laid it on your heart to pray for us, we'll take all that we can get.  If God has laid it on your heart to share our story, then what He is doing through me and us is getting exposure.  God continues to fill my heart with peace as He whispers in my ear, "Watch Me work!"  I invite everyone and all to follow the next few days or weeks,  through the next phase~I believe in my heart of hearts that God is going to reveal Himself so clearly to so many, the simple reason being that  He didn't let me sleep in (and I tried to, believe me!!!)   Radiation begins this morning...as will the potential for frying off a few working brain cells, thus I believe His insistance on getting this Vessel message posted before 5:00 a.m. today.  The Vessel message is not one designated specifically for me or my family to be sole recipients of the fruits produced through it.  Our current situation is creating a channel to reinforce His message of direction.  The vessel message is a call from our Creator to all live our lives as His vessel to all whom we encounter.  His light will shine through all of us, His healing hand will reach through all of us provided we become His vessel and allow Him to work!  If God is showing you an area where someone is hurting, maybe He is calling on you to be His vessel.  Don't ignore it!  Pray for His guidance and be brave enough to take that first step in what you believe His direction is.  He'll walk you through it and then two become blessed by your taking action.  You, as the vessel, and the recipient of God's blessings that He has showered on them, through you.  To plagerize Nike...Just Do It!

To my rock- like wall of medical support team...I can see the anxiety of my recent developments weighing heavy on all of your shoulders.  The message I'm to pass along to you is the same..."Just be the vessel".   It is not your duty, nor within your abilities to "save me".  Jesus has already done that...that base is covered; you are all off the hook pertaining to the area of my salvation!  Our paths being intertwined is not coincidental and indeed through and by the work of God's hand...He has made that crystal clear to me over what has evolved into more than a year now.  With each step into the next phase I find the confirmation that, whatever your position pertaining to my care is, you are the vessel that He has planted there to cover that particular area of need.  It's all so incredible to watch!  LIke a life size game of chess!   Proof positive that He indeed has all bases covered and that He is the Master!  All the vessels have to do is be a vessel.  Do what it is that you've been trained to do; nothing more and nothing less...know that  it is not within my expectations that you will "save me".  It would be grossly unfair of me to ever place that degree of burden on a fellow human being.  We'll focus on journeying this journey together...because it is by God's design that we are to do so...and together we will watch Him work as we focus on following the path He lays before us!

Love and God's Blessings!

 11/17/09

Dr. Oncology entered the examining room yesterday morning with a smile, but heavy shoulders.  He reached out placing his hand on mine and whispered, "I don't know why God is testing you so much."  I busted out laughing..."not me that's being tested here, Doc, as I believe you can very well see!  Which one of the two of us appears to be wringing our hands?"  He pulled up my chart (all electronic now!  How cool!!)  Scyiatica, gallstone, lung nodules,  spinal hemotoma's, more than the "couple" that last week's doctor had indicated", elevated liver enzymes, oh and there's those brain dings...Dr. Oncology, couldn't help from expressing more compassion and feelings of being overwhelmed than I thought was humanly possible before 8:30 in the morning.  We are so blessed to have him on the team!!  What I can see clearly is that he is beginning to experience the undeniable truth that what is going on inside of me~though slightly intimidating, is clearly under control...God's control.  All of this I believe he finds confusing...what my chart says versus what he witnesses sitting on the examining table just doesn't compute in his medically trained, ding free brain.  I should be a puddle of worry~Mr. Velcro should be a pacing, basket case...not a coffee sipping, magazine reading, relaxed and at peace partner.  ( (he's come so far, I'm so proud!!!  And praise God that Mr. Velcro has indeed surrendered over his Mr. Clean tendencies. See earlier blogs for those new to "me", if you'd care for the Mr. Clean insight.)

Dr. Oncology admitted that "all of the others" are not like threatening...just areas...many different areas that he has to keep his eye on.  I see areas, many of them that God is going to personally escort Dr. Oncology through, leaving no doubt in his mind that God is indeed real and very much in control.  Is God going to miracuously heal all of these areas?  Don't know!  He could...He might not...but what I do know is that He will reveal His glory in His way, and in His timing through them...because with every "problem" that tests reveal God continues to calm me with His whisper of "Watch me work".  This directs me to identify these "other problems or potential problems" as God allowing me to see a few land mines that the spiritual enemy has physically placed within my body.  This is war you know...I'm pretty sure that Satan would much prefer to have me silenced and my walk stifled!  But my God is clearly bigger than him and capable of greatly surpassing and circumventing anything that the enemy can attempt to throw in my path.  Ya can't trip when you're not walking...and I am not walking...I am being hand carried along this part of the journey, relying solely on my Creator and I'm flourishing in awe of the team He has hand chosen to  surround me with!   God assures me that walking through a land mine field is much easier when you know where to step and what to avoid, what traps have been set.  (Note to my radiation techie's...spinal hemotoma's (i.e. mini aneuyrisms) is just cause for me to give up lifting boxes, moving furniture and laying patio stones...rest assured I will try very hard to be good in these areas!  Being much of the moving, lifting, placing that I wanted done is pretty close to getting there, I can...with a clear conscience say and believe that I will leave the rest to others...I'll try hard to, anyway!)  Love my Techies!!

 Love and God's Blessings!

11/18/09

In keeping with fulfilling my commitment to journaling my journey, I find that I occassionally encounter experiences that place me in the uncomfortable predicament of choosing whether to be transparent or discreet.  Wow!  Doesn't that sentence just oooze intellegence????  To my cognitive study people looking in~I think that  that one is for you!  That, after two fry sessions, the thinker managed to use multiple words that exceeded four letters and, as I re-read the statement I believe that I actually used them accurately!  Here, before you, is just one more confirmation of a mighty God that's got all bases covered, because that was one of those "type what I tell you to type" moments for me.  Cool!

My version and way of truly expressing that first sentence would read more along the lines of this....  "Boy, did I do something really stupid yesterday...and darn it...got to share it, even though it embarrasses the crap out of me...because it is just one more part of this journey!"

Anyway...the story...

We, like everyone else on the planet are trying to live frugally.."green" as they say, I guess.  The furnace is dialed back because blankets are cheaper and nobody, in this family has ever frozen to death from consistent exposure to temperatures around the mid 60's.  (That and the monthly gas bills don't induce deadly angina attacks...just heart palpatations).  I hopped out of bed; okay, rolled my rapidly rounding body out of bed, and waddled across the room.  Before finding the throne I started my bath water...nice HOT bath water...(we don't worry about "green" in this area!)  As I'm sitting and thinking and thinking about what I'm doing while I'm sitting I notice that my vision is beginning to change.  There is a whiteness...a cloudlike ambiance that is slowly blinding me to my distant surroundings.   My mind drifts a little, my heart begins to flip in a split second of anxiety.  I cover one eye and then I cover the other eye...then I begin to pray...desperately!  "Lord, okay...If frying is gonna take my vision who will You provide to continue to journal this journey?  People are watching You work through me, Lord!  This story has got to be continued on paper...I'm working real hard at trying to keep my fingers on the right keys...You know that!!! Good grief!  How many typos and redos are we redoing???  If I can't see the screen then this whole project is going to become one that will require some army decoder to deceifer!"   (Do we all see how easily Liz manages to slip back into control mode?  I do indeed remain one unfinished work in progress!!!)   Then, God tapped me on my shoulder (really, I do believe that I felt a physical tap, because I was truly allowing myself to test the waters of panic with the first three quarters of my right foot!) and He pointed out to me that when you plant your fanny on a porecelain throne, in a 65 degree bathroom, and throw open the faucets to release 105 degree water that this miraculous, yet very scientific transformation takes place...it's called steam!  You all can probably fill in any blanks from this part on.

The moral to my little adventure is that from within the protective and unpenetrable confines of my Creator's hand the spiritual enemy looks on and desperately pants for any and all opportunities to try and distract me from the true realization of where it is that I journey this journey.  I came close enough, in allowing some panic to enter~that he set to work quickly beginning to suck me into that "what will I do!  what will I do!" void and way of thinking.  It's always easy to ditch "surrender", the world has created this knee jerk reaction in all of us...and our enemy longs for nothing more than our putting our faith in self reliance.  When we are in a state of surrender to the Creator not only can our adversary not win...he flat out cannot even compete! 

The Father's hand is not reserved for just the cancer patients, the down trodden...those in states of struggles.  The struggles are the things that prompt us to look for a safe place to ride out any storms.  That protective, unpenetrable confine is an open hand and free gift to all, always...not just in the storms!  It is the way to truly live life to it's fullest!  Climb in!  The journey is definitely easier...trying sometimes?  Yes!  But filled with indescribable blessing!  Don't deny yourself the adventure God has created for you!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/19/09

I was beginning to entertain thoughts that God has placed me on some "supernatural, mysterious" time clock ..given the time of day (or much more accurately...overnights!!!) that He awakens me from a restful sleep and directs me to begin pounding out letters on this here, keyboard.  But what He is showing me is truth and that truth is that at O'-dark-thirty, not a creature is stirring (praise God not even a mouse, lately!!) in this incredibly serene home after all two and four legged inhabitants have called it a night.  Quiet time...uninterrupted, diversion free...protected time as it allows me to focus with next to no combatants; exactly what my dinged brain currently requires.  'Tis a beautiful thing...keeps my recliner permanently cocked throughout the daytime...but worse things could be happening.

'Exposing an Enemy Tactic!'  (We have a title this evening/morning??)  "WHY"    There it is...the enemy tactic...short and simple.  I don't believe that there is any other 3 letter word that has quite the destructive power and ability to immediately halt us in our tracks and hold us sealed in a state of total and complete isolation, some to the extent of hanging by a thread on nothing exceeding minimal life support.  Some deprived and depressed to the point of half heartedly even going through any motions anymore.  (If you are there...step out from behind your "WHY"...give it up!  It is an enemy plant, planted with the intent of your destruction)

"Why do I have cancer?"  That question keeps the focus on the object (cancer) and blocks all view of the source clearly provided to move through it and ultimately beyond it.  WHY would become my roadblock if I chose to stay standing behind it.

"Why has she lost her job, or why is their child struggling in school."   "Why?  Why?  Why?"  WHY in questions like these keeps the focus focused on what is no longer there, which does nothing short of immobilizing us. If you see nothing but an abyss beyond the problem, because WHY has the power to reflect that...you're not going to allow yourself to step out and ultimately past  the barracade.

"Why do bad things happen to good people,"  has become the 20th century version of the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"  (The answer to that is easily found in the beginning chapters of Genesis...it was the chicken!)  The answer to the bad/good question is equally as simple and also found in the early pages of Genesis.  It is because we live in a cursed world...Satan's domain...temporary and dying.  But we do not journey through this world alone, we are blessed with the opportunity to ride through it on the shoulders of the Victorious Creator...we just have to decide that that is the way we prefer to travel and recognize that in making the decision to travel that way that the enemy tends to become a bit testy.  (Okay...gross understatment there!  He fights like Hell to draw us back and away from a life truly worth living here and one worth living for eternity apart of here , because he's just plain mean!!)

A radiology waiting room is a prime arena to witness the stifling power of "WHY".  Ironically, those whose faces God show  me as the most tormented are not those carrying the tumors...it's the faces of those who have placed themselves in the position of helping to carry those carrying the tumors.  Here is the beautiful side of cancer...I can't fix it.  I can honestly stand in front of the mirror and know, without an iota of doubt, that there is nothing within my power or ability to fix, change or realign my condition.  It is totally and entirely out of my control.  With that recognition comes liberation!  Being given the cancer diagnosis also has a way of cocking the catapult to Surrender.  Why is this beautiful?  Because it limits my decisions to two.  I could choose to cement my feet into the "WHY" barracade and demand an answer, which even one with a dinged brain can discern would be pointless and a futile waste of time.  Or I  can wrap my arms around the Strength of all Strength and allow myself to be lifted up and carried through all of it, in full recognition of the fact that My Creator did not give me cancer...but has       allowed it as part of His plan and direction for my life.  In this perspective my cancer is not the beginning of "the end", but it is the beginning of what is being revealed to me as the next phase and steps into what is rapidly evolving into one incredible and indescribable journey!

There we go...spent...time to go regenerate a few new brain cells through the power of sleep!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/20/09

"Stand!"  "Stay standing!"  "Feeling wobbley?" "Just stand".  "Don't allow your peace...that confidence that comes from within Me to be doubted.  I"ve got you covered!  Always have, always will!"

The problems with my sciatic nerve (I really should look that word up to see how it is truly spelled) is increasing through this phase in the process.  Walking is becoming quite difficult; periodically impossible...this too, shall pass~but who am I to bypass on an opportunity to whine for a moment?  It's little reminders such as these that allow me to step back and take inventory; get a clearer grip and grasp on the Awe of what My Creator is doing through me.  The pain is confirmation that what is going on is REAL!   All I have to do, when dealing with it, is to focus on "standing," thus the words I feel Him whispering in my ear, this morning.   Stand, I can do!

I'm reminded of an experience at my Grandma's funeral that I feel compelled to share.  I come from a small town~the kind of small town that you can't fully appreciate having come from while you are there, because all youthful hormones and genes kick in at age 14 , in places like that, driving you to focus all of your energies on your plan of escape from "Everybody Know's Ya-ville".  I left there when I was 17, never dreaming that I'd ever utter the words..."Might be a nice place to retire!"  Guess what? That dream has been implanted on my heart!  That just goes to show me that anything can change when you allow the Creator your reigns!  Might He be keeping me open to that being a possibility?  We'll see!

Back to the funeral...I was approached by one of my Grandma's ministers.  He said that he wanted to share with me his very first encounter with her, upon his arrival in town.  My Grandma was a leading lady, so to say.  Very active in the community, prominent and well respected...but above and beyond all else, always, always a lady.  She was loved by all who knew her.  Her faith infused her with a confidence that was forthright, but not obnoxious, unwavering but gentle.  I've been forever blessed by having had her and her legacy so closely implanted next to my growing steps.

"I will never forget your grandmother," the minister said.  "Here I was, all whooped up on charging into my new role as leader of this church!  All through the congregational dinner I was being back patted with "ataboys" and "go get' ems".  I'm feeling very good, and quite honestly over inflated by all of the attention, and I am, undeniably "ready to roll"!!! ...that is until your grandmother passed before me on her way home."  He took a step back, clutched his chin and started to chuckle. 

"She  walks up to me, takes my hand and looks right directly into my eyes, then she says to me, 'I've only got one thing to say to you...Don't get in God's way!'   There is not any other statement, throughout my career or my training that has had more impact on my life as a minister!" 

Historically, the church under his leadership went through many painful changes, breaks and break-ups...part of the reason being this minister's human ego slipped into becoming an issue (otherwise known as an enemy tool).  God, leading my Grandma to utter His words of warning at the onset of his ministery there, set a precedent and line of accountability that could not be denied.  And yes, even though there were massive struggles...the church today  remains standing!  God used my Grandma to expose an enemy claimed area (the minister's ego) as a tactical move in thwarting future battles.  Had my Grandma not practiced obedience in following through with what she firmly believed God was directing her to do in speaking the warning the outcome may have been radically different.

Moral to this story?  Has God  planted something on your tongue?  What are you going to do with it?  Here's a helpful hint to guide you should you find yourself in this situation.  You have 3 options. #1, you could swallow it.  #2 you could spit it out  #3 or you can place it where it is He directs you.  (Pick 3!  Pick 3!)

Love and God's Blessings!

11/21/09

I find myself, this morning, literally glowing in what has revealed itself as victory over a 48 month...yes count them!! 48 back to back month battle in trying to keep our home from being stolen from us.  The ironic kick to this whole scenario is, we stand in victory...Absolutely!  But Victory in no way resembles what it was I had pictured, or envisioned or ever prayed for it to be.  Victory for us came in losing our home, and that chapter on our lives closed for us at 3:00, yesterday afternoon.

Our family includes one ferrel cat, that for 15 years or so, has allowed us to share her company.  She's a non-contributor, for the most part~only periodically allowing us to stroke her back...basically we live with her but mostly around her.  God has shown me, through Cat, a visible replica of one of my characteristic traights that He has so lovingly and gently been spending the last 48 months tapping, and refining and pounding, and molding and cutting and tapping again~all part and parcel in the process of being molded into becoming His vessel.  Once in awhile we find it necessary to move Cat, because living around her becomes an issue.  What never fails is her reaction upon our approach.  The front claws extend out and lock into whatever it is that lies beneath her.  You can almost hear the heavy clunk of industrial strength, mechanical hinges engaging as her hind claws dig in too.  Cautiously we reach beneath her belly...not wanting to be the recipient of her always anticipated, but never truly predectible, lightening flash, "back off!" whacks.   Then we lift...and lift...and lift ~ this cat's innards are positively rubber; she is undeniably nothing short of silly putty!  She can easily be stretched up to 3 times her visible length, when she latches on in resisting being moved!  What God showed me last night, as Frac was "encouraging" Cat to rest elsewhere is that for the past 48 months, through the phase in our life that has now become known to us as "The House War", that, at every opportunity presented, pertaining to the house,  I would latch myself on, just like Cat.   I would dig myself in hard, just like Cat, and that every time God would be prompting me to move to where it was He knew I should be, I would not release my embedded fingernails from the woven fabric that I frantically and desperately clung to.  This brings me to the unmistakeable conclusion that I too, must be made up of two thirds silly putty!  My silver lining upon this recognition of myself is that I find comfort and peace in believing that silly putty is much denser, therefore far heavier then your average pound of fat...my scale no longer intimidates me!  Praise God!

Human nature prompts all of us to cling to what we know is real and and above all else 'right'!  My house was real and evil corruption was my continuous adversary for 48 long, gutwrenching months!  God created in me that drive to fight without ceasing, for that which is right...I believed that that was what I was doing...thus I would dig my heels and claws in deeper.  My focus became fixated on "winning"...rather than "What's my next step Lord?"  I'm sure that He was constantly pointing the way...but I was too fixated on not releasing a fraction of claimed territory.

As Frac drove me to radiation I asked how he was doing.  "It's hard, Mom...It's hard".

God placed these words on my tongue..."If it were My intentions that you be living in that home, you'd be having dinner there tonight.  This is not loss.  It only becomes loss if you place it in that column and keep it there to mull over!  Mulling stifles and hampers and slows My Plan's process.  You are where you are today because this is where I need for you to be.  This is My allowed removal of an obstacle that would be used to keep you from fulfilling what it is that I have in store for you!  Keep your eyes focused on the prize...that trophy at the end of this race called life!  Do not get stuck in the mud of mourning!  Mourn if you have to, but mourn quickly and move on, in full recognition that you are standing in Victory and PEACE in a New Beginning created for you by Me, to fulfill what it is I have created for you to do!"

Knocks my socks off...how about yours?

P.S. Frac is more than fine!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/22/09

"Treasure your experiences"... 

Mr. Velcro and I were driving back from an appointment the afternoon before last...and yes "we" still drive; he behind the wheel and me still firmly planted in the co-pilot seat, brain dinged but vocally present and accounted for...part and party.  As is to be expected, our conversations and thoughts are yet, pretty much wrapped up in debriefing mode while we're still reacclimating to life apart from The House War's, helatious battle field.  I'm embarrased to admit it, but I have to be open and honest on all fronts.   I found myself, for nothing more than a fleeting second, mind you, allowing a minuscule fragment of doubt as to what we truly find ourselves delivered from,  trying desperately to eek it's way past one likely fried brain cell, on a mission to imbed itself into my heart.  Upon this recognition an incredible thing took place within me, causing me to bust out laughing suddenly and hysterically (which, while undergoing brain toasting I can easily get away with.  "Is she crazy?  No! Short circuiting, maybe?  But crazy...no.")   I heard God whisper in my ear...and this one was not a "quiet, gentle whisper".  This one was one of those "Hey You!" whispers!  He said, "Do you need a refresher course?"   NOPE!  THANK YOU!  THINK I GOT THIS ONE!  GOOD TO GO!  KEEPING THE VESSEL OPEN, LORD, KEEPIN' THE VESSEL OPEN!  OUT WITH THE BAD, IN WITH THE GOOD!  DOUBT?  ME??  I HAVE NOOOOOO DOUBTS.  UH UH! Then I thumb tacked that minuscule fragment of doubt right back into the center of the enemy's forehead...and I pushed the tack in with my stronger hand, giving it one extra kick because it felt very good to do so!  I will not allow the enemy one opportunity to snatch away one iota of my joy in this moment in my life!  But, in that moment he had made if very well known to me, that he is going to continue to try!  Antennaes up!  Keep them up!  Keep focused!

Experiences...years and years of culminations of experiences...that's what life is.  We become numb to our surroundings, tuned inwardly.  Mobile, yes but predominately we all just fall into becoming creatures of habit, going through our appointed motions, but oblivious to the whole picture, not fully appreciating each and every experience.  Not all of our experiences go unrecognized...we all have those "happily ever after" ones that we like to keep handy to warm up with on memory nights.  We all probably have those "wouldn't want to do that again," ones too... that we know to keep close enough as incentive and reminders of what not to do, thus avoiding having to repeat some unpleasant steps should we slip in the future.  

Then there are those experiences that hurt so darn bad that there is not an adequate word written to truly express it's intensity.  Like the Thursday evening experience of a precious 8 year old boy, witnessing, from within a few feet, his little dog losing the run for his life after becoming intangled in a speeding SUV, in a desperate, yet ultimately futile attempt to "get home".  Or the experience of the woman who, after a year, still finds herself unable to bring herself to return to the home that she shared with her young, deceased husband.  Or the man, who left the friend that he was assisting, to run a brief errand, only to find, upon his return, that in that tiny speck of the whole picture scenario a surgical complication developed that ended the friends life instantly.  Experiences like these freeze us in our tracks and have the power and ability to hold us in suspended animation...if we let them.  There is the key.  We can't prevent them, we can't control them, but we can make the call as to how  they are going to impact us.  God says to me, "Treasure these experiences", which appears to be the oxymorons of oxymorons, but is it really?

The cementing factor used to freeze us in the life altering experiences is guilt.  Guilt has to be viewed from two angles to truly get a grip and accurate grasp on the whole scenario.  Guilt can be used by the Holy Spirit as an opportunity to reveal something that God wants to refine and correct in you.  But this only applies to experiences that you are experiencing due to direct choices that you have made; i.e. you speed, you get caught, you're ticketed, it cost you your mother's birthday flower money and it's her birthday...you know that you gotta visit, you don't want to, because you don't want to show up without flowers, because then she's gonna know that somethings wrong, and your embarrassed, so you do nothing, figuring that you'll just come up with some lame excuse until the dust settles...you're stuck in suspended animation.  That guilt is not of the enemy.  (And if you do do that, then you are a smuck and should be forced to spin your wheels in suspended animation for a time or two...sorry, the Mom in me just randomly has a way of popping out every once in awhile!)

Enemy laid guilt is the one to focus on for no other purpose but to identify it.  Recognition is the key that truly opens the passage way, not only to being able to begin the journey through the experience, but to get to the victory portal on the other side of it. 

The question to ask yourself..."Did I cause this?"  If the answer is yes then seek forgiveness from the Father~"Ask and it is given"  then move on to the next phase He places you before.

If your answer is no, then release the guilt and thumb tack it back on the enemy's forehead.  Every time you feel him pushing back, you push harder and ask for the extra measure of strength to imbed it a little deeper into his cranium.  If you don't have the strength to push, give it all to God  (Surrender!)  "In your weakness I am strong!".  God is absolutely bigger, but experiences like these are allowed and may be presented as training periods and courses on how we are called to live our lives.  If you have the muster, then apply it...it may allow you to bypass some extra training methods in the future (take if from one who thrives in the 2 X 4 upside the head method of learning academy!  If you can learn it the first time it's a lot less work and struggle in the future!)  Release the guilt and focus solely on seeking God's direction.  Wait patiently, mourn if you have to...it's allowed and encouraged...you will feel His guidance.  It appears quietly, but with each step that you release in the direction that He guides you, the intensity of His "peace that surpasses all understanding" will grow and ultimately engulf you, providing the confirmation that you are indeed on His path.  If you sense uneasiness realign your focus on Him and ask, again for direction. He provides His extraordinary Peace as undeniable assurance, woven within your grasp, to combat the enemy's guaranteed trumped up efforts to bump you off of His path.  Be very aware that the enemy will kick it up; goes with the territory!  Depending on your strength tevel (known by God) you very well may find yourself being subject to his trying to heap piles of burning guilt pods upon you...he longs for nothing more than to beat you back down into submission to him (i.e. suspended animation, because you are of no threat to him there.).  No burning guilt pods will stick to you provided you close that door of opportunity to him. 

One can see that, though God does not create the Suspended Animation Experiences, He certainly can and does allow them as an effective means to guide us into a life worth living with Him...if we choose to follow that path that He places before us!  Therefore I can now see the indescribable value in treasuring the experiences...all of them!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/23/09

"As the dust settles..."  

I laid in bed tonight...because laying is something that I am very very good at right now...and listened, and relished and chuckled as my family bantered back and forth across the euchre table.  My heart is warmed by the undeniable recognition that  "All is good!"  Acclimation continues to take place and as it does, more and more dust settles, allowing me a clearer picture of the magnitude and impact of what we have just emerged from.  With that realization I am filled with an even greater sense of awe in the biggness of my God!  What I realized tonight, was that I was never allowed "the full picture" pertaining to the true impact and scars of this battle on my children, based on their perspective in the scheme of things.  That is, until now.  You see, we didn't just move out of a neighborhood, or emerge for the last time from something as material as bricks and mortar.  We had to disconnect ourselves from the continuation of a family legacy.  This was the house that Great-Grandpa built.  This was the yard that still held the 3 story pine that Grandpa planted.  The umbrella birch that supported the tire swing that Fric and Frac grew into and out of remains precisely rooted where Grandpa chose to move it.  Each window sill, pipe, nook and cranny experienced the touch of this faithful and loving carpenter's hand.  Every garden that surrounds the home, houses one of the many shoeboxed remains of a once adored guinea pig, rabbit,  hamster, hermit crab or hedgehog.  (This may not please any future garden plotters!!)  But here is where we never ever intended having to leave, this side of heaven. It was not just a house, it was "home".   

I hear God saying boldly...'See I am doing new things!"  And I cannot deny that  "new things" are indeed exploding around me...none of us can!  The laughter in my children's voices dances...truly dances; it is just one of those "new things".  A clear confirmation that the pressure is off!  Do we know what tomorrow has in store for us?  Not a clue...but we know that it is good!   How can we know that?  Because God obviously worked extra hard in prying loose my fingers from the home I clung to so desperately for 4 frantic years.  The next step very well may have been amputation!   I do believe, now that the prying came because God knows that I need both hands free to have any hopes of ever  being able to capture and share and spread these blessings that He has started to continuously pour out on me and us.  This is His response to my ultimate choosing the path of fully surrendering every aspect of my life, entirely over to Him.  All is good...all is truly GOOD!  For a fleeting second I question, why did I fight this for so long? Only because the picture is much clearer from this side... What I see now is the history of a journey strapped to a 4 year long, enemy roller coaster ride.  One that I unwittingly succumbed to, tolerating his mingling and influence, and thrashing and slamming, and bruising and emotionally battering and torture, in exchange for choosing against full surrender.  Slow learner?  Can we all say "thick headed?"  Pondering this for a moment,  I prefer to think of it as one beholding added insulation while presently being zapped, thank you very much!  But a truly, valued and unforgetable lesson, none the less.

Love and God's Ble,ssings!

11/24/09

It is official...no denying the fact that I am experiencing those tasty little morsels of healing.  For the past 6 weeks or better I've been either dragging or propping my right leg.  One missplaced step and a tearing pain rips at my calf muscle, freezing me in my tracks until a supportive arm can arrive to keep me from nose diving;  then I'm held in prop mode with Vicoden until the residual gnawing, which has lasted up to 3 days, would die down.  In addition there was the continuous throb that radiated from the middle of my glutomous maximous (sp?), down a straight line the full length of my thigh, coming to rest, though pulsating as if in victory, directly behind my right knee cap.  This part of my journey has had a tendency to make me a crabby camper occassionally, as my boys will willingly attest to, I'm sure...and it has been my constant companion since it's onset over 6 weeks ago.

The brain is an intricate machine and between invading brain dings, residual swelling, annihilating good and bad cells through radiation no one, according to Dr. Radiology Oncology can precisely predetermine just exactly how or where one's body is going to respond to any of these factors. Today and for the last month and a half  it's been my sciatic nerve, and Praise God for that!  My impact points have remained contained under God's control.  Ravenous cancer cells are not picky as to which life connectors they set out on destroying; it's a pedal to the metal press to divide, distort and conquer.   Walking, speech, swallowing, thinking, remembering, seeing, hearing....it is an absolute crap shoot!  Guess this could have been viewed as the action adventure part of  my story, six weeks back...though, hand wringers might have been more likely to place it in the looming mystery category...hate mysteries!  Taxes brain cells, I've grown to become quite protective of my brain cells lately!  The fact remains that even the professionals do not dare to take a stab at what could lurk around my corner!  They just watch.  Regardless of whether or not they recognize it yet, what they are seeing is God at work.

The undeniable lessening of intensity in my leg pain indicates that healing is beginning to take place.  Swelling is being reduced, cancer cells are not multiplying, radiation is doing its thing...God's promises are being implemented.  God is good!  Life is good!   The journey continues....And what a ride it is!!!

Love and God's Blessings!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_io6j1EytGA

11/25/09

The enemy continues to pace and froth.  He longs for nothing more than to knock me off my path...that revealed itself in our last working vehicle breaking down on the side of the road, after buzz number 7 yesterday morning.  LIfe is always an adventure!!  Obviously the buzzes are important because God didn't permit the breakdown to happen on the way too the hospital, so from my perspective the attempt was nothing more than an inconvenience that was easily brushed off. ~ But this journey is far from being only about me....

Poor Frac!  He'd already awakened to find himself on my lecture list, having overslept, which caused me to miss my pre-buzz bagel stop.  I was lovingly, yet  firmly taking full advantage of the opportunity to implant some valuable work ethics suggestions...like "remember to set an alarm!"  "Get up no later than Mom's 4th call to rise!"  "I've cut you slack for lots of years...time to step up to the plate, Boy!"  (It really ticks me off to miss my bagel!!)  Frac hung his head~he has a way of doing that...which is what has managed to buy him an awful lot of slack throughout the years!

When the van died, Frac admitted that he was a tad low on gas...being we had passed the cheapest gas station in our community less than two miles back, not once, mind you...but twice already this morning,  this information was initially not received well by me.  But Praise God I had no desire to yell...because I immediately "recognized the enemy".  Life, in that instant became comical!  Flat out flipping funny from within the confines of my little world!

"Why did you not stop for gas back there?" I questioned... 

"Because you want your bagel," Frac replied.  "I'm thinkin' bagel, Mom." 

"Didn't it occur to you that we might run out of gas?"

"I was thinking B A G E L, Mom."

"We'll have to call your brother."  (Number one son is a more than full time mechanic...always finding himself behind the eight ball in working desperately at keeping us mobile with very used and tired vehicles)  Frac's shoulders drop and bounced about 3 times off the pavement.  The last thing he wanted was to have to face his grossly overworked brother being forced from work to deliver a can of gas to him.  (and the enemy wrings his hands in anticipation of an opportunity to stir some waters of dissension)

Older brother arrives, harried but understanding...pours the gas, shakes his head, collects his reimbursement and starts to leave.  Frac tries to start the van...not gonna happen.  Guess it wasn't gas after all!  Frac soars...older brother wilts.  "I can't have another vehicle go down on you guys!" Older brother's 'always calm, roll with punches persona', was not even close to visible.   The enemy bit!  And I saw the panic in my oldest's child's eyes.  But...in recognizing it we were able to identify it, deflate it and eliminate the attack...the enemy claimed zero victory today!  Brothers are still friends.  Life is good!

Love and God's Blessings!

11/26/09

"Taking Inventory..."

For the precious glimpse of the divine magic of creation buttoned up in a not quite yet 3 year old's expression, I give thanks.

For the comfort in knowing that my traveling daughter, who, as I sit, is driving, across state, solo...really isn't traveling alone...I give thanks!

For the peace in His words "See I am doing new things!" that He speaks into my heart at every bend in my recent days...I give thanks!

For the unrestrained laughter and indescrible peace that has filled this home since the end of The House War...I give thanks!

For the gift of family so filled with love and intent on "being there" that they're preparing a feast twice in order to provide for us...I give thanks!

For every cliff and valley, mountain and canyon, fire and storm, rock and hard place that has brought me to where I am, and ultimately to who I have become, ...I give nothing but Praise!  Glory!  And above all else Thanks!   I'd trade my place with no one!

Love and God's Blessings!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_io6j1EytGA

11/27/09

I am Pumbaa!  That golden brown, little grumbly character, that bellows in his Hakunah Matata of the pain in being able to "Clear the Savanah after every meal..."   I am learning to walk the embarrassment of having "friends need to stand Down Wind"....this is my current and present journey. Those who've followed my story may recollect my fear of a few months back.  Everywhere I went it stunk, and I was very concerned that it was me that was creating that offense.  Much to my great GREAT relief, it turned out then, was that the offender wasn't me, but Wonder Mutt ~ Identifying him as the culprit was easy because everywhere I went, he was.  Well...I am experiencing being so offensive that even Wonder Mutt is forced to remain "Down Wind".  He ain't landing anywhere too close to me, right now, leaving no question as to who the true polluter is.  It's me.  Drugs and their interaction can do wild and crazy things...and here I am blessed with but one more "experience to treasure!"

Praise God that I have a family that prefers to walk with me through this part of the journey, from behind their bottles of Febreeze, but humming "Hakuna Matata".  Because, if I were them I believe that I'd be planting a padded stool just off the corner of the back porch, for safety reasons, (any open pilot lights, I do believe, need to be avoided presently!) while we await "This too, shall pass!"

Seventeen and a half years ago we moved in to Great Grandpa's house to walk along side him, shoulder to shoulder, through the final phases of his earthly journey.  His mental faculties didn't fail him until 72 hours prior to his death.  His need for assistance was more due to having lost 98 percent of his vision, coupled with manipulating from within a pretty tired and wracked, 96 year old body.  We temporarily converted his basement into an apartment, installed an internal door bell, so that with a push of a button he had help should he need it.  It was the best of both worlds for all of us!  My children were able to reap the sharing of Great Grandpa's experiences of being born into the horse and buggy stage and living all the up to and through the Space Shuttle!  His stories were incredible!  Our lives, for six way too short months consisted of me playing Mom and nurse from 6:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., while Mr. Velcro worked his day job ~ and then he coupled overnight Grandpa duties into his sleep time.  Grandpa had a least 2 overnight potty ventures daily, and depending on the business that needed to be taken care of, a toilet sit could potentially exceed an hour's time, in length .  Mr. Velcro was always thankful for Grandpa's "Just wind" report...it meant Mr. V. could go back to bed within a few minutes as opposed to having to remain propped in the hall while awaiting to assist Grandpa back to bed after "mission accomplished". 

My present condition prompted Mr. Velcro's "Just wind?" question, when he flopped into bed tonight~ throwing both of us back, together to a memory of a time in our lives that always warms us.  Ah, but one more experience to give thanks for!

Love and God's Blessings!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_io6j1EytGA

11/28/09

In keeping with what I now clearly see as my divinely appointed role of reporting what life looks like from this side of surrender, I stand in absolute awe of  what I am being allowed to see now, in bits and pieces!

I have had the dream to be "A Writer" for over 25 years.  My love is writing children's books with applicable messages, but it is not my desire to whack you over the head with preachingness.  You've witnessed my "style" so to say...it's not what one would consider orthodox, but my goal was never to be orthodox.  My goal was to be "real". 

Rejections are the norm in the writing world.  It's actually encouraged through courses to submit, submit, submit, as if the biggest rejection pile is that trophy to shoot for.  I wasn't getting it...but I've got more than my fair share of rejections.  I guess the thinking behind lots of rejections is that at least you're working (ain't too profitable, though, let me tell you!  Down right costly!!!)

Many of my rejections were unique in comparison to others. Many of  my rejections added the word "ever" to it.  As in, 'we regret to inform you that we are not interested in your (fill in the blank) and request that you do not resubmit...ever.'  Gotta tell ya...every "ever" put a bit of a damper on enthusiasm!  Nothing could put me in shutdown mode quicker.  Four little letters with their shoulders sucked up to their ears, stomping their foot before my nose!  "You will never be a writer...EVER!"  (You all do realize that I am totally exposing my intricate thought processes!  Obviously radiation is succeeding in wiping out those filter cells that promote restraint)

As  I take a step back from my "Whoa! My life is exploding around me with Blessing!" celebration, I can clearly see how, way back when...the enemy had set out on a mission to get me to throw in the towel pertaining to my writing.  How different would my life have been over the past 13 months journey?  The answer is totally different!  Because none of the writing would have happened!  None of the support from other's doing cancer would have reached me in the manner that it had...I would not be sitting here, right now, reporting from this side of surrender!!!!

The emails that I receive from strangers, yet all brothers and sisters in the faith point out to me how God is reaching out through my journey and latching onto their hearts...guess that just shows me why the enemy was so intent on encouraging me to throw in the towel way back when.  Sucks to be him!!!  Guess he'll just have to reluctantly slap his obnoxious, four letter EVER into his lose column!  Did that just come across as smug?

Love and God's Blessings!                           HE REIGNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_io6j1EytGA

11/29/09

"Stepping into the miracle................."

Wild and crazy stuff happening, People! 

Last Sunday, my bootie was a tad too tired to make the trek from home to sanctuary.  My heart assured me that God was giving me an excused pass from Sunday worship outside the home.  As I reclined I flipped through the television stations.  Tires broke traction on the communicational highway, thumb slammed down the remote control's brakes, noises erupted with an ear piercing squeal~ okay, maybe I'm allowing myself to venture off a couple of steps beyond reason, slipping carelessly into artistically interpretational-ville....The message that was just about to be broadcast was the message that God had intended for me to receive at that very moment, and God made it crystal clear to me that it was time to put the remote control down.

"Stepping into the Miracle" was delivered from a small, local church that I had never heard of.  It's biblical basis was built around the "Crossing the Jordan" bible stories.  The first time God's people crossed the Jordan River it was solely by God's hand that the rivers parted, allowing His people to cross on dry ground.  The point here was that the Miracle (river parting) was done through no action, whatsoever, by man.  God did it  ~ all . by . Himself.   Nasty, goofy, selfish people, even after participating in that miraculous "river walk", almost immediately slipped into backsliding mode on the other side.  God said, "Hold up, there guys!  Forgettng something?"  For forty long years He repeated the question. They continued to journey their journey's for 40 years; count 'em people 4.0....not reaching the end of the promise that they had stepped into because the enemy had piggybacked the river walk, keeping the focus of many diverted.  After 40 years God brought His people around one more time...with the same promise~because He, in His perfection is incapable of renigging (did I spell that right???)  The river that separated His people from HIs promise  was, once again going to be parted...He's still the only one that can make that happen, but this time...in order to make the parting happen for each and every one of His children, each and every one of His children is being called upon to touch their toe to the river..."Do you want to participate in the miracle?"  He is saying.   "Then you have to step into it!"  "You have to make the choice to follow Me and you have to step into it to make it happen." 

As I sit here and write people are touching their toes to the river and stepping into miracles!  God continues to speak into my heart,  "Watch Me Work!"  He is people!  His is doing AMAZING things!  Those of you walking your miracles let nothing...NOTHING impede you from telling your stories!  Do you need an outlet to share them????????????????  Hit my contact page~email me your story...let's get it out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and God's Blessings!                                                  HE REIGNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_io6j1EytGA

11/30/09

	Daily Manna from the Net Sunday, November 29, 2009 Hebrews 13:1-6
	Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?' Hebrews 13:1-6

I was awakened earlier than usual for yesterday's blog... just after midnight, the brink of Sunday morn.  In the same amount of insistance that I was given a pass from outside worship last Sunday, it was made brutally plain that under no circumstances was I to miss attendance this morning...He also informed me that I would be attending first service...no questions asked.  First service????  We are definitely 2nd service attenders, sometimes 3rd, given the amount of exertion necessary to get all wheels moving in the same direction.  He spoke into my heart that I would be ordered to "share my story", but only to whom He directed me to. 

My family worships in a mega community.  Thousands of people pass through the doorways...many, many people minister in nearly countless capacities.  Being human, my mind spent the rest of the night trying to anticipate whom I was going to be "chatting" with come First Service....(and yes, it did prove itself to be "early" for me!) 

Dealing with the ramifications of steroids versus insulin levels, postponing breakfast is not an option for me right now.  We stopped at a quick coney island on the way to church.  After my first bite I almost popped an artery!  I totally forgot to test my sugars or take my meds before we left...I'm on a strict time table given the clinical trials data.  This is not a good thing!  Immediately Mr. Velcro says, "We have to go home".  God says, "Under no circumstances are you to miss First Service".  We head to church.

In my mind, after a night of deciphering, I have determined that the one I'm going to be "Sharing my story" with has got to be the Senior Teaching Pastor!  It made absolutely perfect sense!  It is still a Holiday weekend...his position would allow him the benefit of "Off Duty" given the massive team of teachers that God has blessed that community with. If he was there then he was the one that I was supposed to be talking to.  In my mind I saw Pastor Senior, in his post service corner and me in front of him sharing my story.  Good to go!  Love it when a plan comes into action!

Mr. Velcro dropped me at the door, Fric and Frac we're destined to attend the later services~ God didn't indicate that all of us had to attend "First".  The trek from the doorway to the first row balcony (our claimed territory) is one that I've yet to be able to make on my own, unaided~since the beginning of the cancer journey.  I slipped into the doorway and planted my tush while Mr. Velcro parked.  I heard God say, "Tell your story".  "What?"  I turned and He showed me "Mr. Receiver".         WAY COOL!  I ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET HIM!  That just blew me out of the water.  Never once in my "deciphering" had his face entered in. 

He stood alone at the coffee service station.  I stepped up and introduced myself (which is so far outside of my comfort box in characteristics that it even surprised me that I did it!)  Immediately an unending line formed behind "Regular" on the coffee table.  Mr. Receiver is inundated.  I quickly pull out a card that has my website written on it, figuring that he is now way too busy to be able to "hear my story".  Mr. Velcro steps in, sees what he perceives to be his wife shoving "her card" in the face of one incredibly overwhelmed servant.  The man has an empty cup in each hand and I'm standing, extending my card bearing mitt in the middle.  (Get the mental image, crystal clear?  This is what my husband saw, in neon!)  And discernment is letting me read just exactly what Satan is maliciously whispering in my husbands ear.  (He doesn't utter pretty words!)  My cell fried brain kicks into the Rice Krispee's Concerto!  I'm feeling nothing but "Snap, Crackle, Pop" going off inside.  Then I hear Mr. Receiver say, "Keep talking to me, Liz". "Just feed me empty cups, but keep talking to me."  I realize that through the chaos, I guess that I am still sharing my story...but I am not at all given the "gift" of being able to think specifically before speaking.  

Mr. Velcro whips around and exits and I know that he is beyond embarassed.  I do find it in me to curse the enemy for what I see him dragging my husband through...then the most incredible thing happened!  I looked up from "feeding cups," and trying to "Keep talking to me, Liz" and saw a young woman wearing a long yellow sweater.  Around her neck was a lanyard that bore an identification badge...but the colors were not the same as Mr. Receiver's.  Nor could I make out any name, or words...they were there, I just couldn't "read" them.  Her eyes were locked into mine.  They were warm and they were soothing.  I lipped "Decaf"...in hopes that I could minimize Mr. Receiver's work load a little~cuz I could pour decaf.  She smiled and took no coffee whatsover.  She just stepped, one step to the side and smiled at me...her eyes never left mine.  "Rice Krispee Concerto" ended.  I handed Mr. Receiver my info and headed for the elevator~alone because Mr. Velcro was out of sight.  Before I exited the elevator on the second floor, Miss Yellow Sweater stepped in and our shoulders touched.  There was an immediate peace that just engulfed me.  My anxiety pertaining to my fears for what Mr. Velcro was wrestling with eased a tad.  I turned and the elevator doors closed with Miss Yellow Sweater inside.  I walked the hallway to the balcony door and stepped in.  Just past the usher, leaning up against the wall was Miss Yellow Sweater.  Her eyes were locked onto mine and she just smiled and tipped her head...just once.  I walked to the front row fully anticipating seeing Mr. Velcro waiting for me.  He was not there.  I walked back out and saw him approaching from the hallway.  He wasn't happy (major understatement here!!!)  Enemy force fed this man one very very ugly lie!  And that lie upended his world!

We entered the balcony area together...Miss Yellow Sweater was nowhere to be seen.  I sat next to my man as the message spoke of "dragging our devils"  (my interpretation...undeniably timely message from at least two balcony seats that morning!)  When the service had ended and we rose to leave, I turned to discover that Miss Yellow Sweater had been sitting precisely two seats behind me.  Her gate matched mine as she exited her row and I exited mine.  At the steps she slipped next to my side and we walked to the door.  I stepped out of the balcony.  I've no clue where Miss Yellow Sweater went.  It didn't matter, because that peace that I seemed to draw from her remained.  

I've said it before...my journey impacts far more than just me.  And the enemy has no boundaries.  I ask for prayers for my family!!!   He will stop at nothing, if he sees an opening for attack.  I can assume, given the battle that I experienced this morning that my "sharing my story" order was one that was kind of up there on the level of importance and impact.  Satan tried big time to keep me from following through with orders!  But...he didn't succeed!  One more example of  "big enemy"  "BIGGER GOD!"

Love and God's Blessings. 

 FOOTNOTE:   I've included my morning devotional passage, that I recieved this morning, at the beginning of this blog.  The last time that I had received this as devo was over 14 years ago...prior to what appeared to be "angelic support sent in, in battle".  Might God just be confirming that "Yes, Liz...there really are angels around us?"  That's how I'm choosing to read this one!

 HE REIGNS!

 12/01/09

Happy December!

God Bless Frac!

As I've shared in the beginnings of my shared journey, Frac suffers from "severe migraines".  Our translated version of "severe migraines" is that Frac does not know what life is like without a headache.  He is an absolute walking miracle, in the fact that he functions as well as he does given his circumstances.  When he was 8 years old, for approximately 3 consecutive days Frac experienced "pain free".  Then he woke up to find all of the hair from the top of his head on his pillow.  Very rare side effect to the only drugs that worked for him was sudden hair loss.  Being the medication is actually heart medication a reaction like that means, pull the plug on that treatment plan for him...and not for vanity purposes.  If it ain't helping the situation then it's going to hinder the situation.  You don't want to mess with heart drugs that your body is clearly rejecting when you are 8 years old.  Thus Frac returned to life as he knows it...with a continuously pounding head.  The intensity levels wax and wane.  He lives on the 1 to 10 pain scale.  Good days hover between 2 and 4, and Praise God, lately he spends many more consecutive days in that parameter.

If he awakens at a 7 or better he is toast for at least 24 hours...keep the lights off, noises down...speak softly and no carried sticks allowed!  Hits at 9's and 10's  results in blackouts. incessant vomitting..the ultimate in "not pretties".  For 2 straight years Frac achieved 10 every 9th day.  The silver lining here was that there were no surprises.  He was so accurate that the elementary school knew on September 15 that Frac would not be attending school on December 6 due to a level 10 migraine.  I kid you not!

One of the unique characteristic of Frac is that many times he just thinks out loud.  To quote Shrek..."You have a talking donkey?"  "Yea....Getting him to shut up...THAT'S the problem!"  Frac is Donkey!...and equally as funny!  God created within me what I refer to as my Frac mode...I can dial him down or completely tune him out...and he knows it and he goes with it...sometimes when he sees me switch into shutdown mode he kicks in to..."I'm gonna make her blow" gear.  Well, that transpired in the dollar store check out line for us this morning, and the woman just ahead of Frac was being happily entertained. 

"You have got to have aspirations of being a comedian!"  "No," he replied.  "I just like trying to drive my mom nuts!"  (He is just too honest!)  She asked if his teacher's had liked him while he was in school.  "Surprisingly they did!" he admitted.  Every one of Frac's teachers did like him...But I would place money on the hunch that everyone of them were happy to have him pass through and out of their class at the end of each semester...but they did truly love him and his sense of humor when he was present...which was never often, given his condition.

Frac has been donned my personal chauffer given the fact that daily buzzes require transportation and Liz's driving priviledges are non-existant.  Frac told me that had he not suffered migraines he'd be working full time right now and unavailable to be my chauffer...:I like chauffering, Mom!"  "Maybe that's what God's calling me to be?"

"From where I sit, Frac...there's not a maybe attached to it...you are a chauffer...mine!"

"God hates me!" Frac whined.

"What?" I exclaimed!

"He gave me you for a boss!"

Frac purchased his own Micky D's dinner tonight.  :>)  God Bless Frac!

Love and God's Blessings!

	Daily Manna from the Net Friday, December 4, 2009 Romans 5:7-10
	Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Romans 5:7-10 NIV

	Daily Manna from the Net Saturday, December 5, 2009 Ephesians 4:29-32
	Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32

	Daily Manna from the Net Sunday, December 6, 2009 1 Thessalonians 5:4-11
	But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:4-11

 

	Daily Manna from the Net Monday, December 7, 2009 Philippians 1:27-29
	Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved--and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, Philippians 1:27-29 NIV

 

	Daily Manna from the Net Tuesday, December 8, 2009 Isaiah 40:1-5
	Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the LORD's hand double for all her sins. A voice of one calling: 'In the desert prepare the way for the LORD ; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.' Isaiah 40:1-5 NIV

	Daily Manna from the Net Wednesday, December 9, 2009 Isaiah 11:2-4
	The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him--the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD - and he will delight in the fear of the LORD. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears; but with righteousness he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth; with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked. Isaiah 11:2-4 NIV

	Daily Manna from the Net Thursday, December 10, 2009 Isaiah 9:2-7
	The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as men rejoice when dividing the plunder. For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this. Isaiah 9:2-7 NIV

	Daily Manna from the Net Friday, December 11, 2009 John 1:1-10
	In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. John 1:1-10 NIV

	Daily Manna from the Net Saturday, December 12, 2009 Romans 8:1-4
	Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit

	Daily Manna from the Net Sunday, December 13, 2009 Philippians 3:12-14
	Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14 NIV

	Daily Manna from the Net Monday, December 14, 2009 John 1:10-14
	He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:10-14

12/14/09

She's baaaaack..........................(lol) 

For those of you close to me who have questions and doubts as to "the voices" you've been lead to believe that I hear, let me assure you, first off...I hear no voices.  I feel the words of the Lord speaking into my heart..."hearing voices" is deemed from the worldly perspective as schizophrenic...God assures me that I am not a schizophrenic, and He continuously lets His words rest heavily in my heart, leaving no doubt as to the source of my thoughts....but as long as there are those with scientific minds trying to "diagnose" my "issues"  from a scientific perspective Satan does not fail at scarfing up an opportunity to keep me from public and friends...even if it takes being locked up in a psychiatric ward for 7 days...3 of those days fed medicines intent on "calming me"...(note to all of those in the loop...I had no mood swings, never in a million years have I been "suicidal".  Remember me?  The one with her butt firmly planted in what I refer to as the Sweetest seat this side of heaven?   Never was there a "plan in place to redirect my "suicidal tendencies"...these are lies spoken through an Ungodly man,  whom was given all power in determining whether or not I could be released. And one used by Satan to successfully keep me locked away for 6 nights and 7 days (need to make a biblical note here...7 = Perfection Biblically...it is not a coincidence that I was sprung on Day 7!). God held me at even keel (sp?) and level emotions through all things...and in the next few days you will be blown out of the water as to just a few of the "Watch Me Work" experiences I was blessed to be a part of, while being "successfully locked away!  Dr. Ungodly may have succeeded in keeping me from being used to further His kingdom outside the walls of a psychiatric floor...But God was bustin' all over inside those walls!!!!!      Can't wait to share....please, please stay tuned to www.barriecampbell.com .     You are not going to want to miss these stories....GUARANTEED!             HE REIGNS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_io6j1EytGA  We must not forget to visit what God still tells me is His Theme Song!   Play it loud, people!  

Love and God's Blessings!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CBNE25rtnE&NR=1

Take 5 minutes to worship...just found this one...AWESOME!  God is So Good!

12/15/09

"Screamin' Merry Christmas!"

In room 169 the wall calendar was no longer hanging on the wall.  Obviously a previous patient found the calendar to be an unhappy thing.  The pages were torn off from the 1st through the 24th of December.  The mangled calendar lay on the desk, no longer able to hang on the wall.  The condition of the pages and the calendar itself did not reflect someone anxious for Christmas to arrive...it reflected someone wanting Christmas to evaporate into thin air.

My wardrobe, while being housed as a week long patient in a mental health ward, due to the craziness of openly proclaiming that God speaks into my heart messages of hope and thanksgiving to different people that He places in my pathway, consisted of one red "Merry Christmasy" set of pajamas and one blue set.

My now bald head, due to 15 whole brain radiation treatments, (although I do have to tell you that I do now have hair...bought it yesterday afternoon!  Little darker than my original color, but it's human and it's mine~bought and paid for!) was covered by a red, Christmasy cap that a nurses assistant at my home away from home, hospital chose for me.  So standing in my room, wearing my red cap and equally red p.j.'s and slipper socks, all was just screaming "Merry Christmas!"  before my broken calendar that said "Today is Friday December 25th, 2009" in room 169.

Christmas typically is not a happy time on a mental health patients floor.  In fact it is quite the opposite!  But when you incorporate God into the equation, beautiful things transpire in unhappy places.  Hope was what I witnessed!  Hope is what poured out from patients as well as staff.  I have never been so blessed to be able to see God's "Watch Me Work" than I was while being the resident of room 169.

God says, "My Created's" (that's all of us!!!)  "See, I Am Doing A New Thing!"  The words he implants in my heart have not changed.  The foundational principles as to how we are to live have been clearly defined and are as follows:

#1.   "Never a nickle borrowed"

#2    "Never a dime begged"

  Wisdom through God's word as to the significance of foundational principles #1 & 2:   Proverbs 22:7  "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.   He wants us indebted to no one but Him!

#3   "He who does not work, does not eat"  This is scriptural and the interpretation given to me is "No more welfare!  No more handouts!"  My life is living evidence that it is possible through the strength of an Almighty Savior to continue to work in serving God according to His plan even if you're battling illegal foreclosure and cancer and whatever else the enemy throws in, in attempts to derail the Gospel Train from coming through.

#4    "Render unto Caesar that which is of Caesar's"  No more tax loopholes.  Pay what is legitimately owed.  Tough to determine legitimately in today's corrupt society...but let's not lose sight of the fact that God continues to speak into my heart "See, I Am Doing A New Thing!"  Better is just around the corner!

#5    "The Love Of Money is the Root of All Evil"  This verse is one that tends to be reworded and misunderstood.  Wealth is God's blessing!  It is not sinful to have wealth!  It's a heart issue...when the LOVE of money becomes our driving force we lose sight of a Heavenly Father showering down His blessings upon His children.  We easily fall into the enemy's neatly laid trap of self reliance, self glory, self adolation but never peace received because when you are in Love of Money mode there is never enough to fill that void that only God can fill.  The love of money will drive some to even the point of selling their soul to the devil, in exchange for some cold, hard cash.

Here it is...sweet and simple!  The foundational principles of God's "See, I Am Doing A New Thing!"  If we pattern our personal lives and our corporate lives after these and set our focus on serving God where it is doing what it is He directs...He promises that we will never see need!  Our needs will always be met...ABUNDANTLY!  In the old way we were called upon to live "SACRIFICIALLY"

 God's promise in "See, I Am Doing A New Thing!" is no longer Sacrificially living but ABUNDANT LIVING!  Count me in!  I'm likin' this "See, I Am Doing A New Thing!"  How about all of you????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CBNE25rtnE&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wutmEjdbedE&NR=1   

The above link is a prayer in song!  Awesome!

	Daily Manna from the Net Tuesday, December 15, 2009 Luke 1:26-33
	In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, 'Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.' Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.' Luke 1:26-33 NIV

Love and God's Blessings!

 12/16/09

"This is the day that the Lord has made!  Let us rejoice and be glad in it....."

Ha! That last time that my angels awoke me to their singing of this song I found my fanny admitted to the hospital before days end; then quickly thrown into a 15 session, whole brain radiation routine!  Being that I was once again awakened to my angels singing this, one might think that experiencing this "deja vue" would cause me to want to tuck tail and run for cover.  Quite the contrary!   I don't because God, through His spiritual gift of discernment that He has equipped me with, allows me to know that that's what the enemy wants... God speaks into my heart that I am to call this enemy the "Demon of Doubt".  dod (for short) is big and he's mean and he's never far away, but he 's nothing more than a flea of an annoyance compared to My Creator and His awesome powers.  dod always whispers things into the brain like, "did that really happen?"   "Did he/she really say that?"  "Are you sure?"  (That' the favorite one I do believe)  "Maybe you misunderstood" and the real clinchers "whose voice did you hear?"  and "God would never tell you to do that!"  All words implanted by the enemy, spoken through those closest to me, because that's where he strikes hardest in trying to derail God's ordained plan, of which God has refined and defined in me, over the past 31 years, in becoming His vessel for today. 

 I won't even give dod the notion of capitalization...and at every turn that I find him trying to bite into my steriodally induced round butt, I don't hesitate to verbally send him back to where it is he belongs...(h. e. double hockey sticks in case there's any questions as to where it is he does belong!) 

Take note that dod speaks into the brain.  God speaks into our hearts.  We can identify the difference through the peace that God floods into our souls after meditation, prayer, and scripture reading.  These are all required actions before stepping out and planting a foot where God so deems that foot to be planted.  He drives us into seeking the Truth behind His direction, when we truly seek to serve Him in His furthering His kingdom. 

Satan is known as the 'Great Deceiver'; and God says, "Yes! Capitalize this name and Recognize it!"...he's crafty and well rehearsed.  Also, make note of this one, 'Father of Lies'.  Rest assured that he is not to be feared...Jesus says "Fear Not!"  "My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all [ Many early manuscripts What my Father has given me is greater than all] ; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."  John 10:29  NIV

The enemy can make us afraid, he can threaten; dod is very good at banging his lips...but it is all nothing more than harmless lip service, that we have the option of allowing ourselves to listen to or not.  It is a written in stone guarantee that dod will bang his lips loudly and sometimes very rudely to one surrendered into the palm of God's hand.   Us in God's palm banging our lips drown out dod's...and that really ticks Satan off!   The enemy is incapable of implanting peace of any kind because Peace cannot fill ones heart when it is only allowed to enter through ones brain.  That's what God's word in John 10:29 speaks!  HE REIGNS!

Cliff Notes version of this "lesson"?  Head knowledge?  Uh uh!  Heart knowledge?  Yup!  (Isn't God just way too cool?????)

  Acts 28:27

For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' [ Isaiah 6:9,10]

	Daily Manna from the Net Wednesday, December 16, 2009 Luke 1:35-48
	The angel answered, 'The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.' 'I am the Lord's servant,' Mary answered. 'May it be to me as you have said.' Then the angel left her. At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah's home and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: 'Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!' And Mary said: 'My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, Luke 1:35-48 NIV

Love and God's Blessings!

12/17/09

"Tales from the patient of room 169....."

I kind of figured that the time would come when I would be called upon to "share some of my story" from inside the confines of a mental health ward.  First I must say, that with the exception of only 2 individuals, my stay on "Iris Lane" was a joyous one.  The staff was nothing short of excellent, and that's not an exageration by any stretch.  My fellow patients, all of those in "group A" and most of the souls in "group B"; I feel that I've made many friends for life, friends I likely would not have found outside the confines of Iris Lane! 

But I must share the dark side of Iris Lane.  Some refer to her as Nurse No Chin, others call her Nurse Ratchett...yup!  Just like the one in "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".  She never missed an opportunity to goud me with "Your not being discharged", when I would question other staff as to why I was being held for so long.  And why was I not given credit for "time served" when the 72 hour hold went into effect 65 hours after I'd arrived.  Nurse P, an immediate favorite of mine, given the striking resemblance of my favorite Uncle that he happened to bear, told me that I was on the potential discharge list three days prior to my actually being sprung.  Nurse Ratchett could hardly wait to snarl, "She's not being discharged!" and then snapping at me that "You're not being released!"  (as if I would buy the notion that I was going to be locked up for life!)  I believe that it irked her that I didn't collapse into a puddle of pleading sorrow.  As much as I wanted to be sprung,  I knew that if I wasn't it meant that God had something for me to do there...and if you haven't guessed it by now...I certainly don't want to miss any opportunities that He has in store for me, pertaining to serving HIM wholeheartedly.  Disappointment in being confined for me was always short lived and usually passed with a journey or two up and down the lane....my lane...Iris Lane. 

I discovered that there were 162 steps from the Day Room door to my private room entrance.  Most staff members found it humorous that I'd even bother to count them.  I figured it was in my best interest to make it known that the old thinker was still thinking even within the cloudy fog of unneccessary drugs I was told were prescribed by the other party to the Dark Side of Iris Lane...the Shrink intent on denying me credit for time served, insisting that my thinking was anything but clear, and claiming on paper that my bogus treatment program was actually something that was in effect.  In a nutshell he was not beneath lying on paper as well as to my face,  to make me look crazy, demented, out of control.  There was a sinister air to the patronizing, eye closed grin that readily blanketed his face.  The chill that ran down my spine when he would lean in closer to me sent discernment warning flags shooting up to full mast.  He and Nurse Ratchett had a plan for me...and it was not one that was in my best interest.  As of Friday I announced in writing that if the smiling doctor chose not to release me at the end of my legitimate 72 hours (which was Friday evening for anyone keeping track) that the first phone call I would make upon my eventual release would be to 1-800 Call Sam or maybe Call Lee Free.  Not that I would want a dime...if court were in my future any monetary residuals that escaped an attorney's pocket would be solely showered upon Iris Lane.  Being I was not released until Monday afternoon my promise remains in full force, though I've yet to pick up the phone to make any call as of this time.  Memories of The House War make me reluctant to want to converse with anyone connected to a courthouse or a law firm.  I'm still a firm believer that today's lawyers are the equivalent to Jesus day's tax collectors.  I've not much respect anymore for anyone who deems themselves worthy of 250.00 plus dollars per hour. But that's another story all together.  Back to Iris Lane.

A sweet, tiny lady, widowed and childless having lost her only son due to illness at the age of 9 months; confided in me that on her last stay on Iris Lane, Nurse Ratchett allowed her to fall in the bathroom, then kicked her while snarling "get up!  get up!".  My heart hurt for her as she told me her tale but my mind also cautioned that she obviously was dealing with some confusion issues, thus the reason for her stay.  Before the night was over God allowed me to see Nurse Ratchett, with her hand firmly clamped on the side bar of Mrs. Sweet Lady's walker, dragging the 87 year old down the hallway at a clip I was amazed Mrs. Sweet Lady was able to keep up with.  I followed, but at a slow steady pace due to the fact that my shoeless feet on tile floors 4 days running, were now causing me agonizing calf muscle cramps with each and every step (all 162 of them).  Before I had reached Mrs. Sweet Lady's room Nurse Ratchett had already spun out of her door.  What I spied as I passed was a sobbing Mrs. Sweet Lady, her head in her hands and her chest heaving unconsolably.  Rules do not permit patients entering each others rooms and I was in no position given my "locked up status" to intentionally break any rules.  I returned to room 169...I prayed and I waited for God to answer.

Within the hour my nurse~one who has been on Iris Lane for countless years, still working full time even having surpassed her 70th birthday because she loves her job and the people God surrounds her with, had entered room 169.  I poured out what I had witnessed, she cautioned as to Mrs. Sweet Lady's issues and was initially taken back with the thought that Nurse Ratchett could actually be "Nurse Ratchett", having worked with her for so long.  I told her of my experiences with her verbal abuse...and her face turned chalky white.  I felt bad being the one to lay the burden upon her shoulders...but protocol had to be followed.

At dinner that evening Mrs. Sweet Lady joined my "table of 4" making it a "table of 5".  She'd found her place within the fold of those of us God was pulling together.  Her demeanor appeared strengthened and she spoke boldly of God being in control regardless of what the world dished out.  My prayers had been answered...God too walked the steps up and down Iris Lane continuously.  As for Dr. Ungodly and Nurse Ratchett God says, "Vengeance Is Mine" and that's about a thousand degrees hotter than "It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature".  We trust in HIM for strength and protection as He hammers His "Fear Not's" upon our hearts~and we continue to focus on putting one step in front of the other in service to HIM an Almighty King! 

Found a cool sweatshirt yesterday that points out that if our Heavenly Father is King of Kings then that makes us all Princes and Princesses.  How cool is that?

Love and God's Blessings!

 

	Daily Manna from the Net Thursday, December 17, 2009 Luke 2:1-7
	In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:1-7 NIV

12/18/09

Begging pardons for blogging late today...Brain lesion, which to my knowledge, is different in a good way, than a brain ding, happens to be making it's presence known this morning.  As a matter of fact I do believe that this lesion was knocking from the inside of my skull quite regularly overnight.  This is why God made Vicodin.  Few things have kept me from living normally through my journaled journey to date; and that is only by God's hand.  He has allowed me to witness what the diseases that my body carries typically does to impede a body's ability to function.  He has allowed me to see others carrying similar diseases.  The difference between me and the others is that God has shown me those that carry just one of my many challenges, as in one with breast cancer, one with a brain tumor (not 8), one with lung nodules, one with gallstones, one with liver issues, one with spinal hemotoma's (not "many") ~ catch my drift?  He does not want me to lose sight of the fact that any one of my issues is more than enough for someone to have to contend with.   He never fails to remind me that who I am, what I am and where I am is solely by His hand and His direction.  He gets all the credit...I'm but the billboard that is truly blessed to be able to still occupy the sweetest seat this side of heaven! 

Please indulge me as I see another opportunity to refute, yet again, Dr. Ungodly's suggestions as to my "suicidal tendencies"?  (Bogus treatment plan that was never implemented...just looked good on paper, I guess) When one occupies the sweetest seat this side of heaven, suicide never even enters the equation.  This would be why many staff members, in seeing me, versus the recorded treatment plan, were found to be scratching their heads with Dr. Ungodly's  credibility. 

Be advised, Dr. Ungodly...hampering God's plan can have some pretty substantial consequences...climbing on board with God's plan guarantees abundantly wonderful consequences.  I strongly suggest Option B!  Climb on board!  There's not only room but opportunity for all!  Sweet seats are always available ~ plus the "yoke and burden" of work become light, joyous, fun!  He is the ultimate in Bosses and He showers blessings at every turn.  This is what God calls "recruitment", and it is all HIM.  Left up to me and my direction?  With the torment Dr. Ungodly tried to infuse in me I could not, under my own powers and will, forgive  him.  My call would put me continents away from this man.  He intentionally tried to mess with my brain ~ not only verbally abusing and patronizing me, but by prescribing drugs that were designed to alter my state of being.  Then indicating to my nurses that I was fully aware of the drugs and their purpose...I had no clue what drugs I was being fed...I just found myself having a bigger portion of pills to swallow.  I went through the experience of the "trying to snap out of it" effects for a couple of mornings, before realizing that what I was experiencing was intentional plus intentionally being withheld from my knowledge.  Day Nurses instructions were not the same as the night nurses instructions.  God blessed me with compassionate Nurses, yes; but more importantly Nurses and Therapists who had their eyes opened spiritually.  Had I not had "Fear Not!" to cling to I can honestly say that I would be in a very sorry state physically as well as emotionally.

I fully realize that I am nothing shy of a walking miracle ~ a living billboard proclaiming God's words "Watch Me Work".  My brain lesion malfunction????  Might have something to do with the fact that I decided yesterday that one more day with the yucky floor tile in my "new" kitchen was just not an option.  My body this morning is saying, okay idiot...stripping old floor tile and laying down new may have been a bigger undertaking than one whose body is in heal mode should be undertaking.  The Shrinks would label this action some psychosis I'm sure...according to them I've got a million of them (insert giggle here!)  But I know that this is an ordinary Liz thing because for over 30 years I've often experienced the "room needs a change, let's do it now" way of life.  Mr. Velcro can attest to the fact that he's climbed out of bed for work from one style bedroom only to fall into bed that same night from one that looks entirely different.  I'm also known to totally transform bathrooms, not all have been successess mind you...me and Martha Stewart have little in common!  As a matter of fact I do believe that the only thing that we share is the same gender!  But I have a plan on how to get the job done today...it involves food...as in bribery for an additional pair of hands and shoulders to lift the sticky tiles.  Those buggers are far heavier than I had anticipated ~ thus my struggle!  The ole' muscles in this here bod resemble saturated limp noodles...add the additional steroidal poundage and what you have is not only not pretty but lacking desperately in functionability!

Must go rest my lesion!

Love and God's Blessings!

	Daily Manna from the Net Friday, December 18, 2009 Luke 2:8-12
	And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.' Luke 2:8-12 NIV

12/19/09

Saturday, December 19 :: Ephesians 5:15-20

Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:15-20 NIV 
 

"Boo's Zoo...."

Boo is my joy!  He is my first born Grandson...catch the "first born?"  Translated Grandma's counting on "abundance" here?  Are my offspring paying attention? (How's that for pushy?)

I'm finding tremendous blessings in our new home and community.  What tormented me so in having to let go of our previous home was our former back yard.  It was park-like in it's size and the layout of the trees and porch...it was by far the hardest thing to walk away from; especially in knowing that we were moving to a community where "reach out and touch your neighbor" could certainly be done from most bedroom windows!  Except that God, in His mercy lead us to the one available lot where the home backed up to a natural barrier between residential and light industrial properties.  Meaning on three of our four sides we have no neighbors in view...and never will have! Only an abundance of trees and forest like grounds.   We just had to change our mindset that what is perceived to be our front door ~ we now actually view as the back.  We park our vehicles in the back of our home and the front (technically viewed as the back) is just busting with all of God's glory nice and upclose like...great for those of us experiencing distance issues with our eye sight!

Upon this discovery our front yard took on a new formation.  Behind the rock wall gardens I've placed all of our ceramic and some plastic flower pots.  My previous thoughts were "In the spring they'll be busting all over with flowers...good place to store them for the winter".  Well...God allowed me to discover a huge bag of sunflower seeds that got tucked in the far recesses of one former garage.  All of a sudden upside down, stored spring flower pots became winter feeders for birds and squirrels.  The abundance that has showered from this discovery is absolutely incredible...Boo's Zoo!  We have silver squirrels, black squirrels, red squirrels, brown squirrels ~ each choosing their own person flower pot to kick back in and chow down.  They are fun to watch, each one with a very distinct personality that is readily making appearances.  The sparrows as if on cue flock in behind my pot sitting squirrels and munch on the seeds that the squirrels toss about in their excitement.  Then as if on cue again all sparrows rise from the ground and each one takes its place on the cat tail reeds 10 steps further into the woods.  Then the morning doves arrive and they venture closer to the back porch taking their meal from the squirrel scattered seeds that land on this side of the rock walled garden.  An occassional finch or two dine with them.  Yesterday I saw for the first time a community of brilliantly colored Blue Jays and Bright red Cardinals too.  My Grandson, Boo was fascinated!  Thus our yard now has become "Boo's Zoo".  I must note that Wonder Mutt is not fully accepting the sharing part of "his yard".  Birds he's okay with,  but squirrels may result in my four legged moron, protector experiencing a self inflicted concussion as he still insists on charging after the squirrels, though he sees them from behind a sliding glass door.  My puppy is special!

God says,

 

    ²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

  In watching the birds and squirrels absolutely celebrating in their abundance of sunflower seeds I can't help be see the above verse in action!  Praying that you do too!

Love and God's Blessings!

12/20/09

Sunday, December 20 : Galatians 6:7-10

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galatians 6:7-10 NIV

I have come to the conclussion that hair is over rated!  I have hair now...bought and paid for!  I've owned it for just about a week and it itches like crazy when it entangles with my stubble.  Commando Bandana's are my current choice in head topper gear.  I do see the significance in keeping my dome covered...there is a distinct difference in bald via chemo versus bald via radiation...how fortunate for me to be able to analyze both versions personally!  Via chemo left me baby butt smooth for quite some time while via radiation has started immediate re-growth and so far it looks brownish-blonde!  Via chemo silver was not a welcomed look from my side of the mirror!  All an adventure!

Mr. Velcro and I spent yesterday afternoon watching our youngest compete in a wrestling tournament...this is his first year wrestling; after he followed determinedly in Older Brother's football footsteps, I find wrestling much more relaxing.  Older brother has the football build...Mom didn't have to hug the bleacher seat in anticipation of his being the one taken out...that was the other moms worries ~ those whose sons had to face Older brother from the opposite side of the line of scrimmage.  Well, Fric has the build more like the other sons of the other moms who had to hug the bleacher seats in anticipation of their son being the one taken out...speaking as one who after spending a night in emergency last season, holding Fric's head while he vomitted in response to a multiple concussion game..."But we won, Mom!" evening I much prefer wrestling...To my knowledge it is the only sport that God actually participated in!  That little tidbit of information was planted on Older brother's ears while he was still in high school~not surprisingly by the Wrestling coach who'd have given his right arm to have Older brother wrestling instead of playing football. 

Don't get me wrong...I love football!  Everything about football!  I'm still an admitted Lion's fan for pete's sake!  I see them as but one more opportunity for God to use His "Watch Me Work!"...unfortunately we have to wait on His timing.  Could He still be cleaning house?  It appears I'm getting diverted here.....

When Fric announced that he was taking a year off, though I was relieved that I didn't have to anticipate a return concussion run I was disappointed in not having the fall games to attend...but then God showed me wrestling!  It snowed yesterday...and I was able to sit INSIDE, not huddled under a self-proclaimed but not waterproof sleeping bag on a chilly metal bleacher seat!  I could see my son's face!  Not a domed bobble head above a number that my blurry eyes strained to try and make out half way across the county!   Here I could see my son's determination, his moves (have no clue pertaining to rules, points, etc...need to check out and memorize Wrestling for Idiots!)  But what I could see most of all was an air of confidence, not arrogance...confidence in my youngest in that he has found his nitch...Something that defines him and allows him to accelerate in who God created him to be.  Being the "new kid" on the wrestling block no one placed too much pressure on him, realizing that it will likely take the season for him to just get acclimated to the sport he has never before participated in.  Well, that's what we all thought, anyway...His season currently?   10 and 2!  and they've bumped him up in his weight class...he's wrestling guys heavier than him.  (Please indulge my "I'm so proud of him" bragging moment...I'll use my cancer card if need be!) 

Each of my children, just like each of God's children is created uniquely the same but yet uniquely different.  My Fric is number 3 of 3 boys, my baby, (he hates that!!) and one who in following the footsteps of a chronically ill brother often found himself lost in the shuffle of life.  I still remember him curled up in the back seat of our van that was racing down the expressway (praying to come upon a police officer maybe willing to give us a fast escort...never a cop when you need one!!!)   in hot pursuit of the emergency helicopter that carried Frac to a far away trauma unit.  Fric was lost...his brother airborne, his Mom and Dad's attention focused on Frac.  My heart bled for Fric and I wanted nothing more than to curl up and cling to him, but he tucked himself in the back corner...choosing to ride that ride out alone.  

He carried a football players driven heart, just like Older brother's...but his heart was packaged inside a much less bulky body...which is why this momma hugged the bleacher seat.  He looked so little out there!!! (My baby!)  And he loved to show me his bruises and his bangs and his cuts...his battle scars.  He was so battered at the end of the season that a concerned neighbor had asked me if it were possible that he had some blood disorder that had a very impressive name, but beats me if I can remember it.  I said, "No, he just likes playing football".

A coaching change in his school late last year started Fric on the journey of potentially redirecting his athletic venue.  By the end of the year he had made the determination that he was taking his junior year off from football and going to attempt to learn wrestling.  Next year he's talking about playing both.  After seeing this kid up close and personal from a wrestling matt...I won't have to hug the bleachers too tightly next football season!  He may look little from the stands but as God has pointed out to me, "All things are not always as they appear!" 

 Here's a couple of Christmas Treats!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZi8OevJWe4&feature=related

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kYEK-pxs_A                 (This is a repeat from last year...just because I still think it is an incredible example of God given talent) 

Merry Christmas!

 Love and God's Blessings! 

12/20/2009

Yet again an enemy has infiltrated www.barriecampbell.com   Anyone who has tried to email me through my "Contact Us" page over the last couple of weeks and has not received any response from me has not received a response because there is something blocking all emails from coming through and reaching me.  Please email me directly (not through contact page) at    barrie.campbell@yahoo.com .  You may have to copy and paste my email address directly.  The good news is that the last time I experienced "enemy infiltration" it resulted in 700 porn sites being attached to my website...definitely not pretty...definitely sent conflicting messages!  Big Enemy....Much Bigger God!!!!  If you wouldn't mind ~ would you please send me a "test" email, even if you are already in my address book.  Trying to root out all blocks and problems.  Thanks!!!

12/21/09

 
Monday, December 21 :: Luke 2:13-18

Luke 2:13-18   Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.' When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, 'Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.' So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.

It never ceases to amaze me the power of Satan!  After having discovered that my email system is goofed up in that my ability to receive emails has been distorted; I am not receiving anything lately but spam.  Even my tried and true morning devotional verses are not automatically greeting me each morning...I have to go into the site and pull them up manually (oh the strain!!! :>) )  I figured it was all due to the fact that with the increase in hits to www.barriecampbell.com that my whole system is just running slower.  (Have I mentioned that I am really a technical illiterate when it comes to computer stuff?)

Ironically, though I received a responsive email (one that I had written, then one had replied to it)  The thing that about made me tinkle my drawers was that what was revealed as to "my email" was not what I had written, or in the font and boldness of my typed dialogue.  Some of the words were my words...but the content of the message was distorted.  The "all caps" writing indicated that I was yelling at this person.  I showed Mr. Velcro and told him..."this is NOT (and this capitalization is by my hand!!!) what I typed".  Of course, by his expression I have to accept that what I am saying to him is total 'looney tunes'.  And after having spent 7 days and 6 nights locked up in a psychiatric ward experiencing much of God's goodness, but much of the enemies 'weirdness' as well,  it is becoming much easier to see puzzle pieces of the enemy falling into place on his proverbial dark puzzle building table.  "She's crazy...she hears voices...she's had her brain radiated...we know 'short term memory loss' is a side effect...she's suffering steroidal phsychosis...she's lost control...she's doing and saying things that she's not aware of."  Oh My Gosh!  Guessin' this enemy is really working hard at trying to derail the credibility train that God's seatbelted me into, don't ya think?  Have I not said this is an incredible ride???  Whoa!

I must share with all of you the beginning of my journey into God's revealing to me my spiritual gift of discernment.  It is recorded in the opening chapter of my first book "Recognizing The Enemy", so I apologize for those of you having to go through this "re-run".

I served as the Children's Ministry Director for a large church...my area of responsibility included all children's ministry programs that involved ages birth through 6th grade.  In this church and school my membership log had over 900 little souls registered.  One of my duties included recruiting and staffing and planning and implementing Sunday School.  The day before "Rally Day" I had spent the entire daylight hours up in my office making sure that all bases were covered.  At 6:30 in the evening my wiped out and weary husband (after spending the entire day playing single dad to two toddlers, one authoritative 3rd grader and one young teenager that knew well enough to stay low so as to avoid having to chase an escaping toddler) dragged himself with my authoritative 3rd grade daughter to my office door...pleading that I call it a day.  Guilt grabbed my chest...this was one tired dude standing in front of me.  I grabbed my keys, my purse and immediately headed for the parking lot.  Before I reached the exit an overwhelming urge to return to my office consumed me.  I spun around in the hallway.  My husband's shoulders dropped.  "What did you forget?" he asked.  I couldn't for the life of me answer that question because I didn't know.  All I knew was that I needed to return to my office and return there NOW!  I busted past my husband and my daughter trotted behind me.  I got to my office but before I was able to get the key into the lock I was drawn past my office to the hallway on the other side.  What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks.  My daughter came screeching up behind me and immediately cried out, "Whats That!"  My husband picked up his pace and glanced down the same hallway but saw nothing...as in N.O.T.H.I.N.G.  Pea green fog rolled out from beneath the door to room 209.  As it rolled it billowed up and out, ever growing.  Peering through the green fog I could see faded rays of sunshine toasting the carpet from the doorway just past 209.  I stepped into the fog, my daughter cried out, "Mommy, don't go in there!"  My husband followed me...still seeing nothing.  As soon as I unlocked and opened the door I was hit with the putrid stench of sulphur.  My eyes burned and I began to cough and choke uncontrollably.  My daughter immediately covered her face with her hands..."Mom, let's get out of here!"  My husband saw nothing!  My eyes were drawn to the classroom desks...each one had a morbid, cartoon rendition of threats taped to the top of it.  'Touch this desk and I'll hunt you down and kill you' was just one of the hand drawn posters intent on greeting the 4th grade Sunday Schoolers that would have occupied that room the following morning. 

My position as Children's Ministry Director put me at odds with the Day School Principal regarding room usage.  It was his preference that no "outsiders" as in anyone not being a tuition paying student be allowed to partake of the facility.  I knew that I was this man's nemisis...the proverbial thorn in his side, because I viewed it all as God's and all children...not just the paying members, children that God wanted to connect with within those walls.  The principal's attitude carried not only through his teaching staff, but also through some of the day school children so when I found the artwork my initial understanding was that it was done under the teachers knowledge and by the students hands.  It wasn't until the following Monday morning when the locked up posters vanished from my private desk drawer, that God had showed me not only was this done without the day school teacher's knowledge, none of the posters were drawn by childrens hands.  Had my daughter not been an active witness, I'd have blown the whole experience off as crazy overtired and overworked...and the pictures, had they remained in my locked desk drawer would have become the instrument that would have created an explosive situation, not to mention a thick brick wall in sharing room usage time.  God wanted me to be very aware of the presence of evil...so much so that He allowed me to not only see it, but to taste it, to feel it (incredibly cold and clammy!!!) to smell it and to see it's viciousness sketched out with all the blood and gory details required to make one want to vomit.

So, I guess the moral to the story here is...if evil can sketch and tape, I suppose it has the ability to distort technical transmission and muck with my email settings.  Again I am reminded to remind all that God says, "All things are not as they necessarily appear." Here is a definite case from my perspective...Poor Mr. Velcro!  Once again I must say that my journey impacts more than just me, and I curse the enemy that has stopped at nothing in trying to torment my husband!  All of this to me is confirmation on the importance of keeping our hearts and minds focused on our Creator...and seeking His guidance alone in the direction of the path He has chosen for each of us to follow. 

Love and God's Blessings!

p.s. after hitting save I noticed that here my font and size has changed...hmmmmm.  Enemy thinks that he's big...God is still bigger and in control...control may just come in a larger, and different font. :>)  All is good...all bases remain covered!

 12/22/09

Tuesday, December 22 :: Matthew 1:18-21

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, 'Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.' Matthew 1:18-21 NIV

I am not a biblical scholar...that would require being a book learner...I'm a 2 X 4 upside the head learner, but I enjoy picking up those Biblical fun facts that just continuously reinforce that God is not a God of happenstance or coincidence!  Take the Christmas story for instance... How many wise men were there?  For those that answered three I've been told that it doesn't tell us that in the Bible.  We assume three because there were three gifts brought to the newborn Jesus; Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.  I know what Gold is, I've got a pretty good idea that Frankincense is perfume-like when it is burned, so I can get that one too; but Myrrh...do you know what myrrh was used for?  Embalming!  Doesn't that just shed a bit of a different light on the Christmas story?  The wisemen/man bringing this gift knew the purpose of Jesus entrance into this world...it was to die ~ for me (and you...and you...and you)  Can you even imagine what must have gone through the heads of the wisemen?  Imagine standing over the manger and taking in the Son of God!  There must have been extreme joy in realizing the promised Messiah had finally arrived...but deep heart ache in seeing this precious newborn child that would all too soon be suffering and hanging on a brutal cross ~ perfection sacrificed for those of us 'imperfects'.  Wow!

Through discernment God always reinforces with me to "look into the eyes".  It says somewhere Scripturally that "the eyes are the window into one's soul".  With discernment in many cases God allows me to see the darkness of evil...but what I see more than not in "looking into the eyes" is souls that carry doubt.  That dastardly demon of doubt that longs to hold so many in a state of suspense as to our  future.  I see worry, big time!  With the "state of the union" so to say, worry is rapidly becoming a way of life for even the most devout among us.  But I am to remind all that God is, was and will always be in control!  Crisis?  Nope...labor pains!  God says, "Fear Not!" and He reminds me again, "See, I Am Doing A New Thing!"  Jesus birth, way back when was a "New Thing".  Worry should not fill our hearts...great anticipation of God revealing His majesty to a dead and dying world should be what our hearts reflect!  God says, "Watch Me Work!  Fear Not! See, I Am Doing A New Thing!"

I'm in!

Love and God's Blessings!

12/23/09

What last week was the "hustle and bustle of the season", this week appears to becoming more knock down, drag out, lay on the horn, get out of my way, 'I want to be anywhere but here', typical 'tis the season to be jolly', 'ho ho holy crap, I can't wait for this to all be over now', madness.  It happens every year, fortunately it seems that it was much slower coming this year.  I'm hearing more "Merry Christmas" than last year's "Happy Holidays", and witnessing more smiles at the checkouts, than carts rammed in rears and side panels...which pleases me no end!  On three different occassions, in three different locations I actually heard bell ringers singing honest to goodness Christmas Carols.  WOW!  And to think that it was just last year that I was so put out by the Salvation Army's willingness to compromise "Merry Christmas" in exchange for "Happy Holidays" in what appeared to be hope of landing that extra buck in the bucket.  Am I sensing a stirring among the ranks?  Lord I hope so!

Last night I was once again reminded that there is an enemy that doesn't rest, in working to divert my focus away from where it is God wants my focus to remain.  My right leg and foot, which has been giving me issues for a few days, kicked it up a notch on the 'boy this hurts' scale.  Of course I had to pull the brain back into line and not allow 'worry mode' a foothold.  The enemy was whispering 'you should be feeling better, not worse  with the brain lesion meds you're on', while God speaks firmly into my heart "Fear Not!".  When the outside of my right foot went numb I felt panic for a brief few minutes...the thought of a return trip to the hospital for an increase in inpatient steroids to combat whatever is going on inside my cranium passed through my thoughts, and it wasn't a happy thought!  The worry I almost allowed had more to do with the "what if I have to be re-admitted?  It's Christmas and I'd like very much to be home to see my kids open their gifts", then anything having to do with my physical state.  I've got the Jeremiah promise from God, "I will heal they wounds and restore thy health" that He spoke so clearly into me over a year ago, now.  So I wake up each morning and lay my head down each night, in peace knowing that He is God and cannot lie!  Don't worry!  Be Happy!  So why then did I struggle?

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." - Eph. 6:12

 These, God's words spoke directly into my heart, in response to my question, confirming once again that spiritual warfare is real...reminding me that spiritual warfare is not just the battles that wage on the outside, in the parking lots of our lives...but the many times, far more brutal ones, that torment us from the inside... heart and worry issues that disrupt our lives and divert our focus.  I know for a fact that my very existence right now is nothing short of a miracle, yet the notion that I would even entertain for a split second an iota of worry regarding an increase in pain and numbness is proof positive that I face a very big enemy daily.  When I hurt I am weakened, but this isn't bad news...as a matter of fact it's quite good news really!  Christ's promise is "In your weakness I am strong!"  And Thanks be to God, He reminded me of this as I set to work reverting to propping up the right side of my giddy-up and go. He's reminded me that  I've no reason to giddy-up and go...all tasks are completed, all errands run~so I will once again allow myself some heal time, recognizing that, "gee...I am still a cancer patient!"  Lay off the household projects (like laying a new kitchen floor...thanks B and R!!!!) and stay out of the "hustle and bustle" world for a spell.

Love and God's Blessings!

Wednesday, December 23 :: Luke 2:25-32

Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying: 'Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.' Luke 2:25-32 NIV 

 

12/24/09

The past couple of days have added some new dimensions to my life.  Is it the brain lesion?  Is it a spinal hematoma that's decided to puff up a little? Dunno...Do know that if I allowed it to become a diversion that it would; so I'm just not going to go there with it.  I've an appointment after the Holidays to check it out, in the meantime for those who feel so lead I would appreciate prayers.  I've lost the feeling along the outside of my right leg, hip to bottom of my foot.  It doesn't hamper my ability to walk other than I prefer that little bit of extra assurance that the leg is there before taking too confident of a step on it.  This may very well be God's way of insuring that I plant my fanny during the Christmas festivities too...my stubborness, in "do it byself!"  might still be an issue for refinement (?) ~

Love and God's Blessings!

Thursday, December 24 :: Matthew 2:1-11

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, 'Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.' When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people's chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. 'In Bethlehem in Judea,' they replied, 'for this is what the prophet has written: ' 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'' Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, 'Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.' After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. Matthew 2:1-11 NIV

12/25/09

During my stay in the hospital...the hospital prior to Iris  Lane, I was continously shown the eyes of those known to be evil when I would close my eyes.  These were not people that I had any personal contact with...they were anonymous characters through nasty computer websites or book covers that would randomly reveal themselves through pop ups...(yes, the enemy can even outwit the wittiest protection measures minimizing popup garbage, when I'm researching the net...much out there to divert, let me tell ya!)  Anyway,  I became disheartened not understanding why it was that these images were being allowed to enter into my brain.  After spending quite some time trying to "will the images" away I finally broke down and asked God to reveal to me the significance...(one would think that eventually that would become my first course of action...still a work in progress!)  Once I surrendered, God began showing me more faces...Miss Yellow Sweater's, Moises and Michele ~ all that were revealed to me to be "angels among us"...God's messengers and helpers that He allowed me to discover to mingle about, unrecognized by the general population but clearly and devinely identified to me.

 Why the significance in showing me the eyes and faces? I believe that it was so that I'd be able to identify one as the angel that he was ~ one whom I'd had previous contact with on a few occasions, but not in a way that one would have anticipated.  The first occasion that I remember was following a Detroit Tigers baseball game that I'd attended with my family.  This man was sitting in a wheelchair outside the gates, looking quite dirty and worn for wear.  I dropped the couple of bucks that I'd had in my pocket in the cup that he held in his lap.   Another time that I remember was on a street corner in Detroit...same wheelchair, different corner ~ much colder temperature, and his face beneath a holey, frost and snot laden scarf.  Again, I left him with a few dollars, wishing that I could do more.  Guess where it was that I saw him most recently!  Iris Lane...no wheelchair, angelic eyes and an acknowledging smile slipped to me, that he was absolutely whom God had revealed him to be to me.  His mission on Iris Lane was not in keeping watch over me. He was there as helper to another!  God offered me the gift of seeing a glimpse of the world as He sees it!  And I am so thankful for that gift!  When God says to my heart, "Fear Not! I've got all bases covered!" then gives me supporting evidence such as this as just one of the ways He guards His Createds, how can I even entertain an iota of enemy inflicted worry?  I cannot help but to Fear Not!  All I am asked of in return is to "tell my story".  This is what life looks like from the sweetest seat this side of heaven.  And this seat is available to all...the cost?  Exchanging your will for His will.  Well worth the price!

"Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."  Hebrews 13:2  TNIV
 

Merry Christmas & Love and God's Blessings!

Friday, December 25 :: Matthew 2:13-15

When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. 'Get up,' he said, 'take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.' So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: 'Out of Egypt I called my son.' Matthew 2:13-15 NIV

12/28/09

One bout and a relapse with the flu and I end up with back issues.  Sitting is still difficult, due to numbness and some pretty hefty pain, so blogging is temporarily on hold.  Certain foods are beginning to sound and taste better ~ others may never taste good again!!! :>). Another day or two and I should be back in the saddle again.

Love and God's Blessings!

	Daily Manna from the Net Monday, December 28, 2009 Matthew 2:20-23
	and said, 'Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child's life are dead.' So he got up, took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning in Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. Having been warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee, and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets: 'He will be called a Nazarene.' Matthew 2:20-23 NIV

 

12/29/09

Still working on mending...unable to sit for great lengths of time yet...I shall be back!

Love and God's Blessings!

 

	Daily Manna from the Net Tuesday, December 29, 2009 Mark 1:2-8
	It is written in Isaiah the prophet: 'I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way'--'a voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.' ' And so John came, baptizing in the desert region and preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River. John wore clothing made of camel's hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. And this was his message: 'After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.' Mark 1:2-8 NIV

12/30/09

The feeling is once again returning down my right leg and in my  foot, so I'm assuming that what ever had been flaring in my back is not flaring quite so violently, which is a "Praise God!" moment.  When sitting is removed as an option and standing too, is eliminated that leaves only laying...and I discovered that I accomplish na-da from a laying position.  I've spent the last few days revisiting carrot and I find carrot to be ultra boring.  Wonder Mutt immediately returned to his self imposed position of "My Keeper" in that he insists on always laying next to me, always under his watchful eye...or maybe it's because I tend to spill more from a laying position and he wants to minimize his steps in scarfing up the crumbs.  As much as I try to give him credit, deep down inside I know that the latter is more than likely the truth.

Wonder Mutt has once again waged war on the Boo's Zoo squirrels that play wack-a-mole from the flowerpots in the back yard...they don't even run from him anymore when he leaves the back porch.  Poor Wonder Mutt!  He reaches deep in his gut for his most ferocious growl and each squirrel just flicks it's tail and I'm sure slaps their tiny knees while laughing hysterically at him.  He rolls his eyes up at me looking overwhelmed and defeated.  5 pots and 7 squirrels apparently is a pretty big adversary for my special needs pup.  He managed to acclimate himself to the cat, is it too much to ask that he surrender himself to sharing his back yard with the squirrels?  If he doesn't he certainly will end up with a concussion from slamming his head into the sliding glass door, an act that no longer even prompts a start from the birds.  All of the Boo's Zoo critters have Wonder Mutt's number~

Must resort to stretching out my once again numbing leg...too much time in a seated position, I guess!  But Progress!

Love and God's Blessings!

	Daily Manna from the Net Wednesday, December 30, 2009 Mark 1:10-15
	As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: 'You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.' At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him. After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. 'The time has come,' he said. 'The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!' Mark 1:10-15 NIV

12/31/09

It hardly seems possible that this time last year I was projecting what lay ahead for me and my family.  I knew that it was the year that I'd sport a brand spankin' new hair style...bald ah natural~ although I didn't foresee having to sport it twice!  2 February's minus frocks and locks wasn't something I had factored into my equation and over the last few days I've fully recognized the advantages to hair.  My head gets pretty darn cold; downright chilly!  Being chemo threw me into menopause complete with brutal hot flashes last year, I guess the cold dome was more of a welcomed attribute of which I didn't fully appreciate.  This year I find myself doubling up on the bandanas and knit caps!  The hair that I bought provides nothing in the way of insulation...good neck cover assuming that the knit hat doesn't pull the whole conglomeration off the top of my head, casting it off in a blustering north wind.  Life used to be so much simpler!  Am I whining?  I believe that I am!  Apologies!

My morning started up with a spider attempting to join me in my bath.  That little sucker dropped right down from the ceiling and stopped about 2 inches above my water line.  The way I saw things I had less than 2 seconds to determine my course of action...dive out of the tub? or drowned the nasty thing.  Diving out of the tub for my still round, though not quite as round body would greatly exceed my self imposed 2 second time frame.  I tried to knock him in the water, but missed.  He dissappeared, I'm hoping permanently.   Once again I find myself with yet another question for God, when I get there.  Spiders?  Why?  And hey!  These screamers that are supposed to keep away the mice also claim to repel spiders...guess the critters that try to share camp here can't read!

Love and God's Blessings!

	Daily Manna from the Net Thursday, December 31, 2009 Mark 2:7-12
	'Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?' Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, 'Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . .' He said to the paralytic, 'I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.' He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, 'We have never seen anything like this!' Mark 2:7-12

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